What Does 300 Calories Look Like?

300 Calories, that's a nice little snack isn't it? Over here in the US, the food companies currently have Americans in a frenzy over "100 Calorie Packs" of food. And us silly Americans think that 100 Calories must be the perfect number that should be in a snack, I mean if the food companies tell us that, who are we to argue with them, right?!?

Well the food industries are making bucoupe bucks off of these things because there's a whole lot of extra packaging that goes along with these products and people pay a premium because they think they're getting more of something when in actuality they're getting a whole lot less.

I remember reading an article a few months back where they discussed the total cost of these "100 Calorie Packs" and it turned out that a lot of time, consumers were paying almost double the price for the same product only because it was packaged differently, and a lot of times it wasn't even the same product. For example, Oreos has a "100 Calorie" snack but cookies in the snack pack are nothing like the regular product, they're "wafers" sort of like those sugar wafer cookies that you can buy for a quarter a pack.

The other day in the store I saw pre-packaged deli meat in "single serve" packages. You get two lovely single serve packages, which equal almost 4 ounces of meat for the ultra low price of only $3.59. What a deal - but what if you figure out how much you're paying per pound?!? You're paying more than $14 a pound, just for the convenience of having something "pre-packaged" for you.

You'd be much better off if you just went out and bought a pound of deli-meat, a scale and divied up your own meat, but then who wants to go all of that effort, I mean we're American's after all and we shouldn't have to do such menial tasks like that.

The Roommate and I are big "divy uppers" we'll go to Sam's Club/Costco, buy the big family version of something and divy it up into smaller portions so that we can save money by buying bulk. Even though it's the two of us, it works out to be a big money saver. Our pantry is always full, we can barely shut the freezer door and we've got a "backstock" of our larger items, so if there's ever a winter storm and we're stuck in the house we'll have plenty of food to before we have to go all "Donner Party" on each other.

We're also pretty thrifty when we go grocery shopping, we go out of our way to shop at a "discount" grocery store and we're getting into the habit of using coupons to save even more money. We've found that we can go to our "discount" grocery store, spend $100 and have enough food for 3 weeks. When we go to our local grocery store that's within walking distance, we easily spend $30-40 and walk out of the store with 2 or 3 bags!

In this troubling economy, every dollar helps!

But I have digressed from my original reason to post. I found this really cool link the other day that shows you exactly how much 300 calories of a whole bunch of different types of food are.

You'll be amazed at the eating opportunities that will present themselves when realize that you could have almost 2 pounds of broccoli, 3 glasses of red wine or more than 3.5 pounds of tomatoes (of course not now that our entire crop has been hit by Salmonella) or you could really splurge and have 2 slices of bacon, 2 ounces of potato chips or 1.73 ounces of cod liver.

What will you choose to eat?!?

Check it out HERE

http://www.healthassist.net/food/300kcal/300.shtml

Here's a little video for you as well:

A recent text message conversation

Who says you can't carry on a conversation via Text Message, all of the kids are doing it and so can I. Just this past Saturday night Andrea and I did exactly that.

ME, To Twitter: The Pink Panther Theme is playing on the Jukebox at the bar. This is the second time I’ve heard this song today. (The thing so funny about that is earlier in the day, my random iPod played the exact same song)

ME, To Twitter: OMG I’m out having cocktails and the Spelling Bee is on the big screen in a gay bar. Oh God, I should just go home. (Earlier I had posted saying that I couldn't believe I was home watching the Spelling Bee, and now here I was at a bar doing the same thing)

ME, To Andrea: We’re talking about you

ANDREA: And who is “we”?

ME: The Roommate said you would say that.

HER: He knows me so well.

ME: Do you like Champagne for breakie?

HER: Who doesn’t?

ME: Just Checking

ME: OMG there is some drunk guy trying to pick me up.

HER: Take a pic

ME: On no, that’s just tacky. LOL I’ll just say “here hold still for a second while I snap a quick pic.” OMG he just tried to swipe The Roommates money! (Here's the low down on this. The Roommate got up to go to the Bathroom, he conveniently stacked his money, cigarettes and cellphone on top of each other. When Drunk Patron came up he took over the space vacated by The Roommate, when I wouldn't join in on his witty banter he started picking up the cellphone, at which point I said "Oh that's The Roommates, let me get that out of your way" he then proceeds to say "Oh, yeah, ok, but that's my money." At which point I say "Oh you mean the money that was sitting underneath that pack of cigarettes and cellphone that you were just fondling" I then ignored him and awaited my next text message)

HER: Where are you?

ME: At a skanky bar with The Roommate, he takes me to the classiest places

HER: Well, it’s the friends that make it classy. You gonna take me?

ME: Oh Thank God, he’s talking to The Roommate. Too bad, he is lame and can’t fight him off. This is way better than the Spelling Bee.

HER: OMG, too funny. Poor Roommate

ME: I just saved The Roommate from a horrible trick. That was silly of me to do, I should have let him do it.

HER: Well the trick could have nursed him back to health quicker AND walked The Dog. (oh, you didn't know that The Roommate broke his foot and I'd been walking the dog - well dragging the dog is more like it since he doesn't like to go for walks with me)

ME: Oh The Roommate is walking The Dog so I don’t care about that.

ME: Fuck, now The Roommate went to the bathroom and now he’s turned his attention to me.

HER: Talk in a really pretentious English accent. Make it fun!

ME: He’s asked me if I have a boyfriend like 20 times, I say no each time but he keeps forgetting so finally I said yes and he left me alone.

HER: Oh. Better luck next time.

ME: We are off to another bar now!

HER: Hotter men?

ME: I don’t care now, whoever says yes first wins

END TRANSMISSION

Unfortunately for me, no one said Yes that evening! Oh well, at least I had a good nights sleep.

Andersonville Midsommarfest 2008

Just a few short blocks from my house is a great Sweedish Neighborhood - Andersonville! Anything Swedish that you can think of - they have! And every June they are one of the first "Street Festivals" that kick of the summer in Chicago.

I wish you had been here to go party with me, but I did make a video for you!

Poor Puppy

When the rest of us in the US is battling rising prices on everything - food, basic services and gas (I just put $50 worth of gas in my car and I drive a Ford Focus) you'll be glad to know that even the rich are facing their own troubles.

Remember Leona Helmsley - no, not Sherman Hemsley, Leona was the "Queen of Mean"

Well the old bag died a while back and continuing on with her spitefulness, she bequeathed a large chunk of her estate ($12,000,000) to her dog - Trouble.

Now granted, we all want to make sure that our pets are taken care of after we depart this planet, but $12MM for a dog? That seems like a lot to me.

Well just recently a Judge has reduced the Trust Fund for this poor little puppy and moved $10MM of the assets over the the Helmsley Chartiable Foundatin, leaving a measly $2,000,000 for the poor hound to survive on.

I guess he's gonna have to start eating Puppy Chow instead of Filet Mignon - I feel bad for the little bugger - don't you?

Moreso, I bet that Leona is spinning in her grave right now as all of the glorious money has been diverted from a dog to perhaps helping humanity - and more than likely helping "the little people" that pay taxes!

Spin Leona Spin!!!

5 Word Movie Review - The Happening

Welcome to my newest addition to Whats A Boy To Do: The 5 Word Movie Review.

Most movie reviews extoll too many of the reviewers attitude and don't really give you a true idea of whether the movie was good, bad, indifferent or disgusting, so I'm going to change that with the 5 Word Movie Review.

My first review is for the new M. Night Shamalyan movie - The Happening:

It should not have happened!

LIVE BLOGGING EVENT - Sex on the Super Highway.

I'm currently at the Center on Halsted (Chicago’s GLBT Community Center) as an audience member about to participate in a live Feast of Fools podcast. The topic this evening is “Sex on the Super Highway - How is the Internet Changing Sex.” I figured I have a lot of experience in this area so this should be a fairly easy foray into a Live Blogging event. I’m going to attempt to report the news as accurately as I can and not interject my own opinions…..so here we go….

***Note, I was having problems connecting to the wireless network at the event so this was posted after the event.***

7:15 - Jim Picket is giving us an overview about what the event is and what's coming up. The next live podcast is July 23rd at Sidetrack. Remember you need to fill out the questionnaire (oh I love spell check). They're having a booty seminar later this year - not good booty - bad booty.

7:18 - Marc & Fausto of Feast of Fools make their grand entrance. Fausto stops at the piano and belts out their musical intro, those of us “in the know” smirk and giggle. The topic this evening is “How is the Internet changing our sexuality?” Three participants on the forum. Stephan Adelson, former GM of Manhunt.com, Beau Gratzer who works at Howard Brown and Brian Mustanski of UIC - all online sexperts.

Marc & Fausto start off the fun by giving us tips on how to make the best internet photo – because “A picture is worth five words.” Fausto poignantly points out that “You can't smell people from a photo.” So you’d better take hints about how people present themselves. Uh oh, they’re gonna show us real life dating site photos (I hope they didn’t find mine). OOOHHHHH Scary eyes. Some helpful hints:
- Don’t hide yourself in the photo. Like a hat pulled down over your eyes that says “Beer nuts.”
- Be awake in your own photo – no one wants to date a sleeping beauty.
- Learn Photoshop – at least the basics, like cut & paste.
- Don't go crazy with Photoshop – are you a leopard or a boy?
- Do not be afraid to ask for help from your friends - Spooky mirror shots aren’t good for anyone!
- Be mindful of where you are - There's a guy standing next to a huge cactus that looks like a penis. The cactus is way more interesting. The boys close the segment by reminding us that we've been alone too long

Stephen takes the seat, he’s the former GM from Manhunt.

What made Manhunt so special? Timing – AOL and the other sites had already worn themselves out by the time Manhunt came around (2000ish) and they were far too mainstream to handle such a sexual topic, they couldn't handle the adult content. The community on AOL faltered and collapsed in on itself and because of the way that they were funded (large national corporation sponsorships) they couldn't promote themselves as gay because they were afraid of losing their sponsors. Manhunt didn't need to do that. Manhunts money came from membership fees instead of advertisers, so they didn’t have to worry about pleasing their advertisers – only their clients.

What happens when things go wrong? Safety is a big issue, regardless of where you meet someone. The interesting thing about the internet is that you can get 20 men in 20 minutes. It's true that doesn’t even happen at a bar when you pass out and people step over you. Regardless of where you meet someone you have to be careful, especially when there are other "things" involved like sex & drugs. Drugs can cause a lot of problems because someone could get into trouble and be afraid to call the police because they don’t want to get in trouble themselves. The one thing you need to remember though is the Police are there to protect you, don’t be afraid to call if you get in trouble.

Here are some safety tips:
- Check the website your on and see if there are any tips – read them!
- Meet in public
- Make sure you're compatible with someone, a 5 minute IM conversation doesn’t count.
- Leave a screen name by your computer
- Make sure you're honest on your profiles kids, you don’t want to get beat up because you lied.

Why do people post online? Some use it as a tool to be a tease, they may post hot pics (maybe not even of themselves), go through all of the steps and then never follow through – just being an internet tease. Others use it as a way to boost their self-esteem, to post pictures and have tons of hits. Stephen admits that nothing shocks him - not even 2 girls 1 cup. Carrie Underwood is a Fat Cow. (Ricky made me say that because he keeps looking at what I’m typing - I don't even know who he is).

Why is Online Sex So Easy? Now we're being exposed to gay sex all the time via the internet. Before it was a lot of sensationalism – Richard Gere with the Gerbil or S&M, you had to imagine what it was like. But now you don’t need to pretend, the Internet has made it super easy to find whatever you’re looking for. Sex is more public than it has ever been before, and it’s ok to have those feelings.

Manhunt was the first site to include HIV status online, at first they didn't include it because they didn't feel that the community was ready for it. But in 2003 they were the first ones that allowed users to disclose their status online. Stephen said that his goal was to increase the conversation around HIV it's not just a field in a box. He does think though that if he had it to do over again he would get rid of the absolutes (Yes/No) and instead add an option like “Presumed Negative” and add a date of your last test.

Beau from Howard Brown, director of HIV and STD Prevention, joins the boys on the couch. He is responsible for online outreach. They've been doing Online Outreach since 1999 and they're looking for volunteers. The biggest question they get is “how safe is oral sex and HIV” and “where can I get tested.” Beau said that in the first chatrooms, most of the people that were dispensing advice or health information were not qualified and lots of times passed along wrong information. He says that their biggest challenge is getting people interested.

Manhunt was the first site that took the lead in promoting the conversation of HIV and STD’s. One of the big things that HBHC did was create policies and procedures so that they could go to other sites and show them that they had policies in place and they knew what they're doing.

Some of the deterrents to having Public Health Outreach on sex sites felt that people go to sex sites to escape the everyday things and that having Howard Brown there reminding them of HIV and other STD’s they were actually pestering their clients – I mean, who wants to think about that stuff when all you want to do is get hot and horny. When clients would come in to get tested and have a positive result, HBHC started tracking the sites that people reported they “hooked up on” from there they started contacting those sites first. The biggest problem that HBHC had was there were hundreds of sites and only one of them, and there were other Public Health Orgs across the country trying to do the same thing.

Whats the difference between a website and a bathhouse – They’re both used for sex, right? So why does a bathhouse have to promote safe sex practices, yet websites don’t? It boils down to the difference between a virtual location and a physical location. With a bathhouse you have to make a conscious effort to go there and in the virtual world it's just a click away.

What are some sites doing to promote safe sex? MySpace & Facebook actually have a lot of health advocacy but it is geared more to the teenage crowd (Chlamydia, Syphilis, etc.) the difficulty of it all is that people need to seek out the information. HBHC and others have Facebook pages and sex site accounts, but they can’t actively go out and “minister” to people, people have to be interested and seek the counseling out.

There are some websites that are promoting the use of technology, like http://www.inspot.org/ which is a Partner Notification site. Users can go there and with simply an email address they can notify a partner that they should go and get tested. Partner Notification sites are important as it gives people anonymity and the ability to discuss something that’s difficult to discuss. The worst thing that can happen with a Partner Notification site is that someone goes and gets tested for an STD.

Brian joins the boys on the couch as the talk keeps going. Brian works for of UIC keeps his focus primarily on GLBT Minority Youth. The Internet has really given a voice to these individuals. It provides an outlet for education, going back to the earlier discussion of “being able to find anything via Google” it allows youths to get educated. Sex education barely talks about sex, so it’s even more difficult for youths to come to terms with themselves and provides a way for them to link with the community. They can be reached in a way they could never be reached before. It’s easy to “come out” on the Internet, all you do is set your profile to “gay” and suddenly everyone knows, whereas before you had to actually “come out” to everyone.

Poor Marc got de-friended on Facebook! I can’t believe that, but it must be true.

How is Internet addiction like other addictions? It's so easy, for example http://www.hotornot.com/, you get that instant gratification of grading someone and going onto the next one, the ability to look at one hot person after another, before you know it hours are gone.

Why do people sit in front of the Internet for hours? Well, people sit in front of the TV for hours. Finding something on the internet makes people feel like a hunter. They google it, find information and keep going. Sex is even easier, you look at profile after profile of sexually explicit photos, each one hotter than the other, you’re on a quest and you’re going to follow through with it. People enjoy that state of arousal they get from the internet, and it can go on for as long as they like.

What’s the next thing that’s hitting sex on the Internet? 2257 Laws – These laws require that primary producers of adult material maintain records that the person in the material is of legal age. Legislation is trying to pass these 2257 Laws onto secondary producers (websites like Manhunt, Craigslist) to make them responsible for their users content and verify that it is age appropriate. Since primary producers need to keep the record, attempting to roll it out to other adult sites is a way for the government to enforce it without actually having to acknowledging. They’re attempting to take on any website that has adult content. Their “goal” is to affect people’s behavior.

The final though is “You might be able to get people to not run a stop light if a cop is standing there but if he’s not there enforcing it, people are going to do what they want.”

Q&A is next and my fingers are tired, I’ve been typing for way too long.

The podcast isn’t up yet, but as soon as it is I’ll give you a link so you can go hear it for yourself.
I hope you enjoyed this Live Blogging Event!

Check out these great sites:

Feast of Fools
Center on Halsted
Howard Brown Health Center
Life Lube
Life Lub Blog

I'm Officially A Model

My bestest girlfriend in the world came to town recently and she took some glamour shots of me, check them out HERE or by clicking on the picture.

Who knew?!?

A Blogger Sighting in the Wild!

My friends Marc & Fausto of The Feast of Fools hosted a live Podcast this evening about Sex and the Information Highway.

I attempted to do a live blog post, but technical difficults kept me from my goal!

BUT, while I was there I had the opportunity to meet a hottie blogger - Pete of Pete The Blog. We took a picture together so I could prove I met him, but he wouldn't sign the waiver so you'll just have to take my word that we met!

Too bad we met at The Center on Halsted, I think a dark alley would have been a lot more fun!

Stop on over and check out Pete, you won't be disappointed!

URAQT aka You Are A Cutie Lip Dub

I have been working diligently on my newest lip dub, and in fact I've got a couple that I'm already starting work on right now!

This past weekend we were going to try and have a video shoot with some of my friends, but unfortunately Mother Nature had other plans in store for us. So instead of having a Video Shoot Party we had a Storm Watch 2008 Party! Fun was had by all, but a video wasn't made so I was sad.

Regardless, below is my latest foray into further pushing my cause of embarrassing myself on the Interwebs as I Lip Dub (or Lip Synch) to M.I.A.'s URAQT.

I just want to give a shout out to my friend Paul for turning me on to M.I.A. and Yelle!




Recently I showed a co-worker my Miley Cyrus Lip Dub and she was so excited to share a song that she thought would be fabulous for me.

I listened to about 15 seconds of the song, looked her in the eyes and said "Sorry, I only do girls."

Can you believe that came out of my mouth?!?

Interesting Facts about your Body

***Welcome Stubmler's & Mixx'rs, thanks for stopping by, I've got a whole lot of other stuff on my site, so I hope you take a minute to check it out. I've got Videos and tons of Photographs.....come back soon***

Interesting Human Body Facts

- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg, and the smallest is the male sperm.

- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

- It takes food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

- The attachment of human muscles to skin is what causes dimples.

- The average man's penis is three times the length of his thumb.

- A woman's heart beats faster than a man's.

- If the average male never shaved, his beard would be 13 feet long when he died.

- Men with hairless chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

- There are about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

- Side by side, 2000 cells from the human body could cover about one square inch.

- Women blink twice as much as men.

- The average person's skin weighs twice as much as their brain.

- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate...they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate!

- Your ears secrete more earwax when you are afraid than when you
aren't.

- Your body uses 300 muscles to balance itself when you are standing still.

- If saliva cannot dissolve something, you cannot taste it.

- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

You looked at your thumb.... Didn't you?

**If you liked this story, you might also enjoy this one about what 300 Calories Looks Like

**Update** Sorry if everyone feels that I've misled you, but I got this list in an email, so I just wanted to share with everyone. See what happens when good spam goes bad?

Here's something to make you smile and at least make your trip worth the effort:

I met a porn star and didn't even know it

Ricky Sinz (center) a popular porn star grabs Marc's cock, because he can!
Originally uploaded by feastoffools

I I had the extreme pleasure of enjoying IML last week with the Boys of The Feast of Fools. We had a great time running around the halls snapping photos, taking videos and interviewing people about their kinks and fetishes.

They just got their photos up on Flickr, so you should go check them out HERE.

As I was going through them this morning I found this one.....I met a Porn Star and didn't even know it.....I guess that's why I look so thrilled!

A Sailing We Shall Go

A Sailing We Shall Go.....high ho the derriere a Sailing We Shall Go.



My lovely friend David from Loopy Fruit asked me a few weeks if I would like to help their friend "Southern Joe" move his sailboat from drydock to harbor.

Me being the silly queen that I am quickly said "sure, no problem" without really understanding what I was getting myself into. I hear "sailboat" I think cocktails on the deck while the butler brings me a Champagne. After I thought about that for a second, I knew that scene was totally unrealistic, it would have to be Kir Royal cocktails - that's more like it.

Once my mind came out of the clouds I decided to ask what this adventure would entail. "Oh it's just taking the boat down the Chicago River while they raise the drawbridges." Ooooh, I love when they raise the drawbridges, and last year I wanted desperately to go down and watch them, but I missed the day, so I jumped at the chance to do it this year but from the vantage point of the bow of a yacht!

So last Saturday morning, they picked me up at 6:15 am. Yes you read that correctly, 6:15am on a Saturday morning (needless to say, I literally got out of bed 5 minutes before they got there and threw my clothes on fireman style and everything.) We hustled our way down to the South Street Canal and find out that we can't go because there's a problem with the water pump on the engine. We'll have to do it next week. Mission Aborted.

This Saturday morning I got a bit of a lay-in as they picked me up at 6:45 because David's brother and his boyfriend weren't able to go today and we were being escorted to the boat by Southern Joe himself.

This morning the engine was acting appropriately and we set sail with 11 other sailboats as we migrated from the winter dock to the summer harbor space. In theory this sounds very easy, but in practice it's not.

Of the 8 years in Chicago, this is the first time that I have been on a sailboat and out on the lake, this was an offer that I couldn't resist, even if it came with a bright and early wake up call and a scrub brush in my hand as we washed the boat and got it ready for the seasons maiden voyage.

We got off about 15 minutes late when the first drawbridge went up at 8:30, do you have any idea how many drawbridges there are on the Chicago River. Go ahead guess, you'll probably be wrong. I think from the dry dock we were at there were 13 drawbridges. Thirteen, Three more than your toes, that's a lot of drawbridges, and believe me you, after you see the first one go up, well ok the second one, they're all the same.

You would think that this would be an orchestrated event so that the drawbridges would open in sequence in a quick order so that everyone including commuters and pedestrians could quickly resume their life. Again, in theory it sounds fabulous.

The boys were so excited because after we got through the first bridge, the second started going up and then the next one ----- three in a row. And then we sat, and went in circles for about 10 minutes, and then the next one etc, etc, but each time we stopped we had to do something differeint, could we make big donuts in the river waiting for the next bridge to go up, should we cling to the walls of the river with our boat hooks and hope we don't get pulled away with the wake.

We sat at one bridge for 20 minutes, we sat in front of the new Trump Tower for about 15 minutes, clinging to the wall while laying on the deck having small chat with a friend, talking about everything and nothing in particular. We watched the Canadian Geese and yelled "le honk" at them with our best french canadian accents, they didn't take the bait.

Finally our goal came into site, it was only two brides away - Columbus and Lake Shore Drive. By this time it was 11:30, we had been on the water for three hours.

Around 12:30 we made our way into the federally owned and lifejacket wearing required Chicago Harbor Lock a whole 4 hours after we started. I thought our journey was almost finished - boy was I wrong.

Now that we had made it this far, we had to take it for a spin. I mean who takes the motorcycle out of the garage to only wash it but never drive it. So I was thrust into being a sailor - not thurst into a sailor like I typically like I might add.

I grabbed ropes, pulled levers, turned cranks, tied off ropes and even wore gloves. The sails were loaded into their proper slots, things were tied off properly and with the turn of a crank we had turned off the motor and were under power of simply the wind.

We were pulled across Lake Michigan by the hidden winds that cause so much frustration in the winter when it's cold and wind blowing everywhere. We were laying on the deck of the boat, the sun directly ahead of us, blue skies surrounding us and looking back on a city of 7,000,000 people. At one point we passed a big cruise ship (one of the big double decker booze hound drinking trips) and I did my best Leonard deCaprio "I'm King of the World" imitation - I made a couple of the straight boys clap and yell!

We unfurled the furling something or other, let the wind grab us and it tore us across the water, at one point I could have sworn the boat was going to capsize as it quickly pulled over to one side and I almost had water in my shoes, I was freaked out a little bit. Well I was freaked out a lot a bit! Fortunately one of the other passengers was also freaked out so we leveled out and eventually turned our way back towards the city pulled in the sails and motored back to the boats summer mooring place North Papa 28.

Take a look at the photos HERE

Live Blogging - The Scripps Howard National Spelling Bee

What is up with the kids that are on this spelling bee? They all seem to be ADD/ADHD...the guy that was just on (and lost) was tugging at a piece of his hair the entire time. Even after he walked off stage he was still holding onto his hair.

One kid just asked for the definition 4 times, I've always been of the theory - if you don't know it now, you won't know it later. I shop for clothes the same way, if I don't like it now......I'm not going to like it later.

These have got to be the smartest nerdiest kids I have ever seen. But the funny thing is...it's JUST like The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee musical.

One kid is writing in her hand, another is writing it in the air, another covering her mouth, but then I shouldn't say anything because I've never won a spelling bee.

The only thing I won was a leather contest in Florida!

Ha ha, ABC just did a spoof commerical with the kids of Putnam County - hilarious.

OMG, this guy looks like he's 30?! Isn't there an age limit?

And they have commentators, just like Football - which again, I know very little about.

It's just like American Idol but with nerdy kids....oh god, I just realized it's Friday night and I'm sitting home live blogging about a spelling bee.

I've got to go get drunk or something!

Oh what a scare!

OMG, I just went to YouTube to do my daily checking of my videos.....and when I clicked on one of them it gave and error and said "We're sorry, this video is no longer available."

WTF!

Thoughts of last year when they deleted my account for showing one little man penis started shooting through my mind....had my IML video "offended" someone? I tried to mark it as "adult" or whatever, but there doesn't seem to be any kind of setting that you can put on it.

Then I checked some of my other videos.....FUCK....same message. OMG, was YouTube in the midst of cancelling my account in realtime? I started checking email, did I get a warning? Gmail, YouTube email...nothing.

So I gave it a rest, just a few minutes really, came back and the same thing. But I could still get to my profile. Do I start making a list of my contacts and subscribers and friends?

Finally after about 15 minutes all of my videos came back online....whew thank god!

I don't think I could go through that again!

The Joys of Living in Chicago

You know, they say that Global Warming is bad....I don't agree with them, I think Global Warming is pretty good in fact.

Only with Global Warming does one get the opportunity to experience three out of four seasons in three days!

Even though Memorial Day is the "official" kick off of summer, in Chicago it's not summer until the temps hit 80 for more than one day in a row. Just this week we had the following weather patterns:

Sunday - mid-60's by the lake with a lovely breeze, the perfect spring day.
Monday - low-80's by the lake without a breeze, but cloud cover, the perfect summer day.
Tuesday - low-40's by the lake, no sun, lots of wind, lots of cloud cover, the perfect winter day.

Ah, the joys of living in Chicago!

How many different seasons did you enjoy this week?

IML Lite

IML was this weekend....oh you don't know what IML is? Well it's International Mr. Leather....which is basically a big sex party weekend with men dressed in Leather, or Uniforms, or Fur Suits, or Vinyl Suits or no Suits at all.

Let's just say that IML is always a crazy Memorial Day weekend and the perfect way to kick of summer in Chicago.

I don't know how to explain IML, so I'll let my friend Paul show you, because it was his first time too!

I'm finally legitimate!

I finally went out and bought the domain name: http://www.whatsaboytodo.net/.


Marc & Fausto (from The Feast of Fools) were the impetus behind this as they told me it was time to grow up and get a real domain!


Well it's done, but don't worry all of your links to me will still work, they'll just get automagically re-routed!

I'm a Big Boy Now!

I knew it, I just knew it

Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned that I wasn't going to be renewing my Broadway in Chicago tickets for next year?

I sorta made a prediction based on the seating chart included in my renewal notice that Wicked was going to be closing.......Well, it was announced today that Wicked is going to be closing in January 2009.

So remember, the longer you wait, the longer you'll wait to see WICKED!

But hurry - only through January 2009

A New Lip Dub - See You Again - Miley Cyrus

***UPDATE*** Welcome Feast of Fools listeners. If you've come this far, you've passed the point of no return. Thanks for checking out my blog and check out my latest Lip Dub!

***** Scroll down for the most current entries *****


I know you've been chomping at the bit for this one, especially since I gave you a little teaser last week.

After a few weeks of filming and lip syncing practice I am proud to present my latest jump further into proving that I am actually a Teenage Girl in a 39 year old gay man's body!

ENJOY

I'm on ANOTHER Podcast!

Can you believe it.....two podcasts within days of each other? I can't believe it either.

A few weeks back I ran into the guys that run the Feast Of Fools which is the #1 GLBT Podcast on iTunes!

We had made plans to go watch the fire spinning and drum beating at the Full Moon Jam at the lakeside last night when Marc called and asked if I'd like to come over early and tape a show with them.

To quote a line from "Into the Woods" And he made me feel excited-Well, excited and scared, needless to say, the prospect of joining these two pros at the mic was a little daunting.

Let's just say they made me feel very comfortable and I'm happy to say I didn't freeze like Cindy Brady when that red light came on.

Check out the podcast HERE

You can also subscribe to Feast of Fools via iTunes HERE and believe me you, they are the #1 GLBT Podcast for a reason!

I also got the chance to finally meet and hang out with another Gay Chicago Blogger - RocketMan Rick. Rick and I have "known" of each other for a while and have actually chatted on the phone, but never had the opportunity to meet and hang out. He joined us for the Full Moon Jam where we snapped lots of pictures and videos!

First Neighborhood Gayby Sighting

I was walking in the neighborhood this weekend and I had my first official, out in the open Gayby sighting.

What's a Gayby Sighting? Well according to Urban Dictionary, a Gayby is a baby of Gay Parents.

I knew the phenomenon was spreading, in fact I have friends that have friends (that aren't my friends) that recently adopted a baby but continue to go out partying 5 nights a week!

I guess if you can afford a baby you can afford a nanny....

What's up with these gays?

There is a difference

Between Showtunes and Soundtracks

There most definitely is!

Paige M Gray

If you're out there somewhere in the Edgewater Neighborhood of Chicago and you lost your Chase Debit Card after you used it on Hollywood & Broadway.

I just wanted to let you know that I found your card in the grass and I called the bank to deactivate it for you.

I know the internet is good to help find people but hell I'd never find you!

A Bowl Full of Fruit

Well the boys at Loopy Fruit have done it again, if you can believe it.

They invited me back on their show - I know they're just gluttons for punishment aren't they? They're such clean-cut boys and I feel as though I corrupt them everytime I visit.

In a matter of 30 minutes we talked about Target, The Pope and Cunnilingus, fortunately I kept the swearing to a minimum and I confessed to finally being a Teenage Girl!

So if you'd like to hear a little more of the madness behind the Man check out the latest Loopy Fruit episode

HERE

I of course sound as gay as ever, so you won't be disappointed, and you'll be glad to know that I am now the leader in being a guest on Loopy Fruit.

Go check it out and leave comments for the boys - maybe they'll ask me back more often. I could be the Paul Lynde of Loopy Fruit and shout quips from the center square!

When a Bake Sale Isn't a Bake Sale

I work in the "corporate" offices for a medium sized company (we have about 1,000 employees in the US and about 10K worldwide), and occassionally we have fund raisers as part of our "corporate charity" program.

Today one of the groups held a bake sale, they've been advertising it all week with flyers throughout the building, making us all salivate with the thoughts of pies with crusts made with pure lard and cookies that melt in your mouth.

There was a resounding "The Bake Sale Started" about 15 minutes ago so we all hauled ourselves to the elevator to go down 4 floors and see what magical things were being laid before us to purchase and eat.

Well, let's just say there was a whole lot of chaos going on down there, people were scattered everywhere, money was being pushed at the cashiers while others were frantically purchasing raffle tickets to hopefully win the big prize "a boombox lunch box"

As I started surveying the goodies laid out on the tables in front of me, I noticed that there were an awful lot of store brand cookies (you know the kind that the store bakes, puts in those big plastic clamshells and then slaps their store label on), store brand cakes, store brand pies.

The last time I was at a bake sale, people actually BAKED! But I guess people are too busy now with their lives that the equivalent to baking is being able to walk to a grocery store, throw some cookies covered in plastic in your cart and calling it "homemade."

As the smile on my face turned into a frown, I simply bought my raffle tickets (and hoping that I would win the grand prize) and left the cafeteria a little bit sadder than when I entered it.

There was a good thing though, as I was walking back to my desk, I passed a co-worker who had individual "things" wrapped in pink saran-wrap - could it be, a truly homemade confection? What are those? Strawberry Cream Puffs....Oh I've got to have one, I don't know how much they're going to sell them for, here I'll give you $2 that's more than they're going to charge!

Oh it was so good, and delicious, the bake sale was saved.

The only problem was 30 minutes later she came back and said "Oh they were selling them for $3, I need an extra dollar."

I'd better win that boombox lunch box combo!

We just let them figure it out

I found this most hilarious website Postcards from you Mama


My favorite one so far is the one entitled Wedding

Hi Son,

We already sent the response card to your uncle but try calling him or Amy and try asking if you could bring a friend to the wedding. You are about the same age and you played with her while you were kids.

For your second question, we usually just let them figure it out. Just wear a appropriate outfit and I like your hair shorter like last time. Being gay i genetic, maybe Dad’s side, and we will always love you and we are very proud of you. We are just glad that God gave us two wonderful children.

Love,
Dad and Mom

My parents are the same way. It sorta makes me wish that my parents were on the internet, I'm sure that I could supply my own website! And if my Mom knew what a blog was, she'd be all over it!

A least he watched the whole thing!

I just need one more....one more to make the trifecta of gay bashing.

Remember last year when I had the Trifecta of getting kicked out/off of things? HERE First it was YouTube that deleted my account and then it was the grocery store, the movie theater and finally the cemetery. Wow, and that was just a year ago.

So apparently I need to go through a Trifecta Annually, because I just got Hate Crimed on YouTube.

And all because of my mad-girl crush on Miley Cyrus and making videos of me lip syncing to her songs, I mean come on, really.

A rather lovely gentleman on YouTube kindly pointed out today that I was a "Fat Fag......."

You should go check out the conversation

So first I'm getting gay bashed in my neighborhood and on the interwebs, what's left? I just need one more for the perfect trifecta of gay bashing!

Mojito Madness

The other night I went over to some new friends house to talk about video cameras. I somehow ended up trying to make mojitos while being videotaped.

Funny how as I'm always behind the camera, it's really difficult being in front of the camera!

I had the great opportunity of meeting the Feast of Fools boys in person a few weeks ago while visiting a local watering hole. We started talking about videocameras and next thing I knew I was standing on their threshold with a bag containing all of my videocameras!

During the course of the evening Fausto was showing me how this great new website Tube Mogul where you can post one video and it gets transferred to all of the video sites you belong to, and he ended up posting a video that we shot that evening.

Check out this totally unedited, unrehearsed, unendorsed, unbranded, un-everything Feast of Fools video.

If you want a really bad mojito recipe, watch this!

I can't tell??

Read This Is this for real?

updated 2:51 p.m. CT, Fri., May. 9, 2008
LAS VEGAS - Elizabeth Halverson is a judge. But the way courthouse staffers see it, she expects to be treated like a queen.

Her former bailiff, for example, says Halverson made him feel like a "houseboy." He says the judge — who is obese and uses a motorized scooter to get around — made him put her shoes on her feet, massage her back, cover her with a blanket for naps and make sure her oxygen tank was filled. He says she asked him, "Do you want to worship me from near or afar?"

Halverson also surrounded herself with her own hired guards, saying she did not trust the courthouse security force to protect her. Another time, she allegedly had her husband sworn in so that she could ask him under oath if he had completed chores at home.

Since then, the 50-year-old Nevada district judge has been locked out of her Las Vegas courtroom, suspended from the bench and brought up on judicial-misconduct charges that include not only misusing her position and treating her staff like personal valets, but also tainting juries and falling asleep on the bench.

Nevada's judicial discipline commission is preparing for a week of open hearings next month that could put an end to Halverson's career.

Many lawyers are unwilling to talk publicly about the case because of the powerful figures involved, but expect the proceedings to be entertaining, to say the least.

Halverson denies the allegations against her.

"We believe the Judicial Discipline Commission has overreached," said her attorney, John Arrascada. "It's apparent that some people believe her physical appearance somehow makes her unable to perform her duties as a judge." He added: "Last time I checked, being a judge doesn't require a beauty contest."

Halverson holds a law degree from the University of Southern California and worked as a law clerk in the state court for nine years before she was elected to the bench in the fall of 2006. She handled civil and criminal cases alike.

When the bailiff who complained about her, Johnnie Jordan Jr., was reassigned, Halverson hired her own guards and let them bypass security checks at the courthouse. She then called 911 when court administrators tried to enter her office.

Commission calls her 'substantial threat'
Last May, the chief Clark County District Court judge, Kathy Hardcastle, locked her out of her courtroom. The following July, six months after Halverson was sworn in, the Judicial Discipline Commission suspended her, accusing her among other things of creating a hostile work environment, hiring a technician to try to hack into the courthouse computer system, and causing mistrials in two sexual assault cases by improperly meeting with jurors.

The commission declared that she posed "a substantial threat to the public or to the administration of justice."

The case is laden with subplots. Hardcastle dismissed Halverson as a law clerk in 2004, saying that such a position is typically a short-time job and that it was time Halverson moved on. Halverson then mounted an unsuccessful bid for Family Court judge against Hardcastle's husband.

Hardcastle has insisted her actions against Halverson weren't personal.

Jeffrey Stempel, a law professor at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, said he is troubled by what appears to be an attempt to "micromanage" a judge.

"Judicial removal should generally be reserved for corruption and complete incompetence or inability to do the job," Stempel said. "One question you have to ask is, 'Is this judge so bad we have to remove her before the voters have a chance to do so?'"

Dayvid Figler, a defense lawyer, said he had no complaints after trying cases in Halverson's courtroom.

"In fairness, she believes she's fighting the fight of a maverick," Figler said. "I think her position is, 'Why should I be another cog in the machine? Isn't it what the voters elected me to do, bring change?'"

Filed for re-election
Amid the hullabaloo, Halverson has filed for re-election in August to a six-year term and is soliciting contributions on her Web site. But she has also filed a request to stop the election, claiming that the Legislature unconstitutionally changed the procedures. She continues to draw her $130,000-a-year salary.

Halverson did not respond to an interview request. A shirtless man who answered the door at her home pointed to a "no trespassing" sign and ordered a reporter off the property. The yard is clean these days, after the city cited Halverson for leaving it strewn with junk and letting the water in her pool grow murky and stagnant.

In documents denying the allegations against her, Halverson has blamed disgruntled employees and vindictive colleagues.

She has submitted a report from a therapist who diagnosed her with an adjustment disorder, anxiety and depression. And she produced a letter from her physician, Dr. Michael Jacobs, who said she is diabetic, uses a wheelchair because of arthritis in her feet and knees, and needs oxygen to counteract the effects of sleep apnea.

Jacobs said a drop in blood sugar may have caused a brief episode in which she fell asleep in court. But he said there is no physical reason Halverson cannot be an effective judge.

A Fire Alarm, A Flat Tire and A Bus Ride

I was sitting at my desk going through some reports when my cell phone rang. When I looked at the Caller ID, I saw that it was my upstairs neighbor. I figured he was calling to chat about the latest design fashions and how we were planning to decorate our decks for summer. But alas, it was not to be a social call.

"The fire alarm in your house is going off!" Words you NEVER want to hear, that's for sure. The scary thing though was that The Roommate had the day off. I tried calling the house as I was running out of my office and throwing on my coat, no answer. Visions of him laying on the bed with his tongue hanging out and x's across his eyes as he was overcome with noxious fumes were flying through my head. I dialed his cellphone and finally after 4 rings he picked up - "Where are you? The house is on fire!"

He had just left the house 15 minutes earlier to take the dog on a walk to the beach - at least he was safe and hadn't succumbed! I told him I was on my way home - fortunately I only work 2 miles from home and was able to get there rather quickly.

When I got home, it was discovered to be a false alarm with the alarm still blaring! After I knew that all was well, I walked back out the door and headed to my car that was parked illegally in the alley (I didn't feel like pulling into the garage), as I was driving down the alley I hear thump thump thump thump.

WTF! A flat tire, G*d D*amn It! There's a gas station right around the corner so I thought, I'll pull over there, air it up and drop it off at Sears (which is right next to work). Only when I got to the gas pump, the tire wouldn't take air - AT ALL!

G*d D*amn It!

I'm an expert at changing tires, so I pulled everything out, jacked up (not off) the car, loosened the lug nuts and was ready to do the tire exchange when the tire wouldn't come off of the axel (or whatever it's connected to). I tried and tried and tried, but I could not get that damn tire off! I tugged and tugged and tugged but it was securely connected to the drive shaft. As i was tugging I reached behind the wheel to get some leverage and there was a HUGE gash (about 6 inches long) along the inside of the tire. Ah, that's why it won't hold air!

G*d D*amn It!

So I put the lug nuts back on and drove back to the house on my rapidly losing support tire. I pulled into the garage and went to the house where my roommate gave me a quizzical look of "what are you doing here and where have you been for the last 15 minutes."

All I said was "Tire, flat, couldn't change, hands dirty, pointy toed shoes, gotta go back to work."

I quickly washed my hands and ran out the door setting on a course for the closest bus stop! After a quick 20 minute ride and a seemingly seamless transfer I was back in the office.

Everyone was glad that my house hadn't burned to the ground and they got a chuckle when I said I tried to change the tire. I looked at them and said "Hey, I may video tape myself lip synching to Miley Cyrus songs, but I CAN change a tire - ya know!"

So how was your Friday?

1978

1978
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Gotta get something happy up here.

Today I got a box from my Mom...that can only mean one thing....Treats From PA!

Included in the box were Middleswarth Potato Chips (Plain, Sour Cream & Onion and BBQ) all sorts of Tastykakes including my favorite Tandykakes and Butterscotch Krimpets and some Chocolate Cupkakes that I'll maybe let my Roommate eat.

There were also bags of candy and twizzlers and to balance the whole thing out there were Special K Granola Bars.

On top of the box was an envelope and inside was this fabulous picture taken of us in 1978 when we went to Hawaii for my Dad's Companys Annual Convention.

I remember that trip distinctly, 30 years later....oh my god, 30 years ago!

I've got to go have a cocktail!

I'm just another statistic now

I was Hate Crimed this afternoon!

My friend David and I go for a walk out to the lake at least 3 times a week. This afternoon as we were walking out of his house this group of young guys walking behind us started saying things.

At first I wasn't paying attention because even though they were talking louder than need be, I had no interest in what they were saying. But then I heard fucking faggot. I looked at my friend and said "Did I just hear what I thought I heard?"

Then there were about four more faggots thrown and fucking neighborhood and "yeah I'm talking to you, you faggots"

Now this is all going on during the end of rush hour on a fairly busy street, granted we were the only ones within ear shot but there were people walking on the other side of the street and there were people walking towards us.

We didn't turn around, because I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of "outing me" but at the same time I so wanted to turn around and say something, but I didn't know how many of them there were, I felt there was no reason to put us in harms way so we just ignored them.

Which I think pissed them off even more, Good! I reached in my pocket dialed 911 and told the operator that I wanted to report a hate crime that was going on right now and asked if she'd stay on the phone. As we kept walking and moving towards people the cowards who were behind us turned onto the side street and kept walking.

I'm so mad right now, mad that I didn't do something more, mad that in this day and age two guys walking down the street get harrassed. And it wasn't like we were hugging and kissing or even touching, we had just walked out of his house and minding our own business. In fact when we walked out of the house I didn't even look in their direction (ergo the reason I didn't know how many of them there were and there was no way that I was going to turn around.

I knew they wouldn't attempt to do anything in the middle of the day, except throw out their "words" but it still frightens me, what if they had? What if they tried to jump us in the middle of the day in front of people?!?

I'm just out of words.....our world is so sad!

To The Moon Alice, To The Moon

The first form of spousal abuse I learned about was from Jackie Gleason. At least once a week (if not more) he would threaten his lovely flower of a wife, Alice, with a free round-trip to the Moon.

Everyone thought it was funny "To the moon Alic, to the moon" he would yell and people would laugh, but really all he was saying was "If there weren't all of these people around here I'd beat the shit out of you."

But regardless, I AM going to the moon. Yeah, bet you didn't see that one coming did you? Do you want to come with me? Or as they say in the Midwest - "Do you wanna come with?"

You can if you like, and I'll even pick up the tab for you, gratis, no charge, just because you're you!

Don't worry about packing your bags, because you won't need any. In fact, the only thing going to the moon will be your name, but isn't that enough really? NASA has invited us all to join them on a trip to the moon (well, our names at least) via the "Send Your Name To The Moon Project"

You can sign up online and NASA will include your name on a specially manufacturered memory chip that will become part of a future spacecraft that will make it's way to the moon.

If you'd like to join me on my trip to the moon, you can sign up

HERE

I'll make sure to organize a big party when we get there!

Sorry

For all of the super long posts lately!

I hung out with the Feast of Fools boys last night!

Finally, a short post! Have a great weekend.

It's hard pretending

Yelle in Chicago
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

I don't care what your children say, it's hard pretending!

Not a very convincing hipster, huh?

The Big Gay Marathon is Finished

I am happy to announce that I have completed all of the necessary tasks required to renew my Gay Card for another five years! I was getting a little worried for a bit because I was afraid that I would not be able to complete all of the CE Units by the Deadline. Fortunately TBGM was just what I needed and in the end I prevailed and came out of it with Gay Pride Flags raised and blowing in the wind.

Yeah, who knew that you had to renew your Gay Card every five years? I didn't and was just as surprised when I got my renewal notice in the mail.

Fortunately earlier in the week I had earned enough credits to complete my Showtune Badge by see two shows in two nights! In fact that badge had the gold star on it for Extra Credit.

Saturday night I earned the Comedy Badge by going to see Margaret Cho at the fabulous historic Chicago Theater. Any gay that's any gay was there, as we stood on the balcony like Evita overlooking the entrance it was a sea of homo's everywhere. Homo's and fag hags, EVERYWHERE! If the right-wing conspirators wanted to get id of a bunch of homo's that would have been the place to target on Saturday night.

Maggie (as I call her now) was funny. Not as funny as she's been in the past, but still funny. Fortunately they had a big projection screen behind her so even from our nose-bleed inducing seats we were able to see all of her priceless facial expressions (sometimes they were funnier than the jokes).

She talked an awful lot about vagina's....really an awful long time....

One of the funniest things she said was that she liked hanging out the The Bears because she knew she was going to eat. Hanging out with the Twinks all they want to do is drink and do lines - she's hungry!

After the concert we headed out to The North End (a venerable Gay Bar which is the farthest north on the Gay Strip) where my friend tried to get me to do Karaoke. I decided that I did not need to Gay Chorus Badge this time around. I told him that I don't sing in front of people, I just video tape myself singing to other people's songs and post them on the internet. You have to draw the line somewhere!

I had 3 whole days between the Maggie Cho Show and my last event in TBGM - and boy did I need them.

Tuesday Night I earned enough credits to get my Economical Entertainment Badge. My Best Friend's Boyfriend introduced us all to Yelle and we were excited to pay a whole $15 for tickets to see her only Chicago appearance. I was decked out in my most favorite Forever 21 outfit in hopes that I would mix in with the crowd of Hipsters that were attending the show. Let's just say, I still stuck out!

You can tell you're getting old when you go to a concert and they have 3 acts before the main act, and the main act isn't scheduled to be on stage until 10:30 and you're typically in bed by 9:30! I stuck it out as the DJ set before the concert was great, there was a band that played (the DJ was better) and finally Yelle arrived at 10:30. You can also tell you're getting old when everyone around you is screaming and you're sitting there giving the polite Opera Clap to show your appreciation for her only being 30 minutes late.

The show was in an old music hall, so no seats, just a big open room. When Yelle took the stage we were towards the front and center - pretty good standing spots. Suddenly everyone started jumping up and down in sync as they were dancing to her french raps that I didn't understand, and you could feel the floor moving up and down. That's when you realize you're old and say "Holy crap, I'm gonna move over to the side of the floor here so I'm not in the middle of the collapse when it happens."

Overall though, the concert was good, it was worth the $15, that's for sure, and it helped me get my final CE Requirement for my Gay Card.

Now I'm just waiting to get my laminated card in the mail!

Magnets

My magnets
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Whenever I go see a "Broadway" Show I always buy a magnet.

The shows will sell all kinds of things - t-Shirts, Bookbags, shopping bags, programs, CD's to fleece you out of more money. Considering that tickets cost upwards of $50+ for mediocre seats, you'd think you'd get something more than a Playbill for your efforts.

I'm not into all of that other stuff (as I've already typically purchased the CD) and I can't see myself wearing an "Annie" T-shirt in public (I may be gay, but I have my limits) but I do buy a Magnet of the show so I can place on my fridge and remember those great times anytime I walk by the fridge.

Click on the photo to go over to Flickr and look at it big...and labeled!

***HONK*** Hey, watch what ya doin' man, I'm singing here

Last night was Step II in the Four Step Program of getting my continuing education credits in being a big homo.

At the last minute, tickets for the current open run of Jersey Boys made their way into my sweaty little palms and I headed downtown to watch those cute little boys sing for me.

I was supposed to see Jersey Boys last year as part of the Broadway in Chicago Series, but unfortunately I didn't have the opportunity to do so. And up until last evening, there hadn't really been that compelling of a reason to go see it.

Also, I went to the show by myself last night - my sister would have a heart attack if she knew that. Unlike some people, I actually enjoy doing things by myself - going to dinner, to a coffee shop, vacationing alone. When I tell people that they always say "OMG, I would never be able to do xyz alone."

Well think about it this way, you've got one schedule and that's YOUR schedule, you get to do what YOU want to do and only what you want to do. You don't have to trapse through musty museums or used record stores only because your partner wants to (and vice versa). If you want to spend the day sleeping in the park and feeding the pigeons - guess what - you can!

Ok, back on track. So I jumped on the bus and after completly missing my stop and going about 8 blocks out of my way I finally made my way to the theater and grabbed my ticket from the Will Call window. I winnowed my way through all of the old people that were there, bought my magnet (I MUST buy a magnet for every show that I go to) and started climbing the stairs. And climbing the Stairs. And climbing the Stairs. I had almost the best seat in the house - the very last row in the center of the mezzanine (the area sandwiched between the orchestra seating and the balcony - you know - the area where you only get a slice of the view, you don't get to see the floor and you don't get to see the ceiling, it's like watching a live production in Cinema-Scope).

There was a whole lot of drama in my seating area, because apparently I was part of a much larger group (ergo the reason that I got my ticket) and who ever had organized it apparently didn't do a very good job of making sure that parties sat together. The girl sitting next to me kept whining that "OMG, my Mom is sitting all the way over there and the usher won't let her sit over her."

After about 15 minutes of this, I leaned over and said "Is it just your Mother? It is, well you know what, she can sit here and I'll sit in her seat, I really don't care." "OMG, would you do that, you'd do that, omg, that is so cool that you would do that." I then told her, "I don't know any of you people. I've just met the woman sitting next to me who told me that her knit pants were stretching in the rain and that's about the extent of my relationship with anyone here, so yes, I'll be glad to switch with your Mom."

By this point in time I would have sat on the toilet to get away from this girl, so I shoveled up my coat, my program and my newly purchased magnet and went and sat in Mom's seat (which by the way was better than where i was sitting) and proceeded to enjoy the show without anyone sitting on either side of me, in front of me or in back of me, I could have thrown my feet up on the seat in front of me if I wanted to.

Jersey Boys is the story of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons, I was very surprised at the number of songs I actually knew. I think there were only two songs that I wasn't familiar with.

It's a very peppy show with singing and dancing from beginning to end, there were only a few spaces where there was just dialog. Overall, I was very impressed with the show and the amount of energy that they produced. It's no Wicked, that's for sure, but it's a great show overall.

I even caught one of the ushers dancing - he got all embarrassed when he looked at me, but I just smiled (he was cute).

So go see Jersey Boys....or just go see a Boy in Jersey if you have the chance.

Wicked is over in Chicago

I got my renewal for the Broadway in Chicago Series today.....which I'm not going to renew.

The shows next year sorta suck:

Xanadu - I have NO interest in seeing this, at all!
Grease - The movie was enough for me.
A Bronx Tale - Uhm, yeah, thanks, no.
A Chorus Line - I've seen this show many times and we had fabulous seats in NYC so no reason to taint the memory of that movie
Mary Poppins - We just missed the opening of this show in London when we went in 2004, so I was a little upset. But we did get to see The Woman in White with Maria Friedman and Michael Crawford so that sort of made up for it.

The only show that I really want to see is Mary Poppins and I can buy single seat tickets for that.

But there is an interesting note, on the renewal notice it lists where my seats will be in all of the theaters.....and the Oriental Theater is listed.

The Oriental is where Wicked is currently playing and has set the record for the longest running Broadway style show in Chicago....so does that mean that Wicked is going to close? I bet it does!

And thus The Big Gay Marathon begins

4 Shows in 6 Days!

Starting last night and proceeding through Tuesday of next week I will be going to 4 shows.....someone has to do it.

I've been practicing the last few weeks, listening to only showtunes on my iPod, tap dancing while I'm waiting for the elevator (I had to stop that as my co-workers thought I just had to pee really badly), I've been working on my breathing so I can hold the long notes as long as the best Diva on stage, and I've stocked up on candies that don't make noises when they're unwrapped during the quiet romantic song at the end of Act I!

I just hope that all of my training will pay off, as I'll need it to get through this difficult time!

To kick off this hugely gay event, last evening I went to see Sweeney Todd - The Demon Barber of Fleet Street and before you ask - NO, Johnny Depp was not there. This was the live version of the show that was recently on Broadway.

The great thing about this show is that it was staged by John Doyle and the actors are the orchestra. You may remember that back in November 2006 I went to New York and The Boyfriend and I went to see Company where I ended up starting a round of applause for a fabulously delivered line. Company was also directed by John Doyle (and it also happens to be a Sondheim) and it was on the same theme where the actors were the orchestra.

Sweeney was a great show, the actors were strong and after a few minutes the mysticism of them playing instruments while onstage faded away. I enjoyed the show a lot, but unfortunately my friend that joined me didn't enjoy it and actually left during intermission. He said that his knees were bothering him from being cramped in our seats at a high altitude, but I think he just didn't like the show!

Part II of TBGM (The Big Gay Marathon) is a viewing of Jersey Boys. This was part of the Broadway Series last year, but unfortunately I didn't get a chance to see it. Through a set of bizarre circumstances a friend of a friend of a friend had some extra tickets to this evenings performance - and so I pounced!

Part III of TBGM occurs on Saturday Evening when I'll be having a discrete conversation with Margaret Cho. Well I'm sure it won't be just me, there will probably be some other homo's there as well. I'll be interested to see how many Straight Boys show up at that concert as Maggie is pretty much a Gay Icon!

The Final Event of TBGM will be three more days in the making when we go see Yelle. Now this will probably be a more one-on-one type of show because she's not a huge artist (although her music is very cool) and the space she's performing in was basically someone's house a hundred years ago....hmmmm

So I'm finishing up my training today and getting my stockpile of protien shakes made so that I can have the strength to finish this Big Gay Marathon.

Hold on, cuz it's gonna be a bumpy ride!

A New Lip Dub

I am proud...er, well not really proud, how about I am excited to share my latest Lip Dub with you.

I am proud though to be presenting a directors premiere film. We'll be holding a gala opening night with red carpets and celebrities next month when it has it's worldwide debut at the Gene Siskel Auditorium.

I am proud to present "Sing a Song - A VeryValdivia Film"

A New Lip Dub

A New Lip Dub
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Coming soon to a blog near you!

Amsterdam

What the hell?
Originally uploaded by pryancub

In just a little over a year a rather large group of us (10+) will be going to Amsterdam to help celebrate my 40th birthday.

This would be an hilarious thing to do while we're there!

I'm hoping that this trip will give me an opportunity to see some old friends (Ms. Mac, Mr. & Mrs. TBF) and maybe meet some new friends (Antipo)

Do you want to hang out with us while we're there, we're gonna be there for 10 days!

I'm a Cuss-aholic

Created by OnePlusYou

Something is out there

Something is out there
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Champagne makes me drowsy

Last night was Show #2 in the Broadway in Chicago Series, it was the exciting show Drowsy Chaperone

I had the distinct pleasure of taking a friend with me who had never been to a Broadway Musical before. The Drowsy Chaperone was a great first musical for anyone to see, it's flashy, there's lots of singing, jokes, laughing, dancing and even tap dancing.

I wish that I could tap dance, but I'm so uncoordinated, my left foot barely knows what it's doing let alone know what the right foot is doing, but a girl can dream can't he?

The premise behind TDC is pretty unique, it starts out with a guy sitting in his apartment listening to records, specifically a recording of the 1928 smash hit - The Drowsy Chaperone. As he's listening to the record the action unfolds in his apartment as the show is recreated.

It was one of the cleverest shows I've seen in a long time. It played up all of the stereotypes of the old style musical, but at the same time making fun of it with current context.

It recently closed in NYC after 674 performances and 13 Tony Nominations. Even though this was the first time I saw the show, several of the original actors are with the touring company, including Georgia Engel (you may know her better as Georgette from The Mary Tyler Moore Show or Everyone Loves Raymond), she recreated the role that she originated on Broadway and she was hilarious; Jonathan Crombie, who was "the man in the chair" didn't originate that part on Broadway but did perform it for a little while; Andrea Chamberlain (the female lead) was an understudy on broadway but was amazing in this performance.

If you want to see a funny, hilarious, campy show go see this one.

Thank goodness I took my friend to this one because the next show in a few weeks is Sweeney Todd and goodness knows there's nothing soft, fluffy and pretty about that show at all. Although I am excited about that show because it is the John Doyle version, and a few years ago when I was in NYC we saw the John Doyle versioin of Company.

What is going on....

With the children in America?!? I can't figure it out. It makes no sense to me what is going on with the children in America. Are parents that out of touch that they don't even have the time (or effort) to teach their children the basics of life and how to live with one another?

Since the start of the School Year (Sept 2007) there have been 20 Chicago Public School students killed.

20 Children

Twenty Children

What is our world coming to?

The youngest was 10 years old, a decade old. 10 freaking years old! I can't imagine, I can't relate.

When I was 10 years old, I never had to worry about being shot or chased by gangs, skipping school or trying drugs. I know I grew up in a totally different environment, but this just seems so ludicrous to me, the things that these children need to "cope" with.

One of the last children killed was shot by a fellow student who just walked up and shot him in the head. WHO does that? Who does that and thinks they can get away with it?

Who's to blame? Violence on TV? Violent videogames? Sex in the movies? Uninterested parents?

I have finally reached that glorious age where I can say, without a doubt, "Back in my day....."

Then this morning on the news there's a story about a group of Third Graders who plotted to attack, handcuff and stab their teacher

WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

Third Graders, 8 to 10 years old. What is the world coming to.

I remember Third Grade, I loved it, I loved my teacher, I loved my classmates, third grade was that "middle of the way" grade between Kindergarten and Sixth Grade. We went to Hawaii for vacation when I was in Third Grade, I remember wearing my "Hawaii 78" t-shirt, I remember being excited about the world.

Who's to blame?

***Sorry for the downer post today***

Why doesn't......

Microwave Popcorn taste as good as it smells?

Why do we eat Ham on Easter? or WTF was I thinking?

Several weeks back, in fact right after I returned from 10 glorious days in Florida, The Roommate nonchalantly said "I think I want to host Easter at our house this year. It will give my Mom a break.......shortly after that I started to phase out as I went into Party Planning Mode. BUT, this was The Roommates Easter, not mine, so I would just be there as a facilitator.

So for a few weeks I didn't think about it, as it wasn't my party and I would just be helping out.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Everything was working out swimmingly, we had gone grocery shopping, The Roommate had made out the menu, again I was just going along for the ride pushing the buggy and handing the nice lady my Sam's Club Card.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Saturday rolled around, we sit down and I force The Roommate to make out a time schedule so he knows when everything is to go in what oven/fridge/microwave and what time everything will come out (believe me you, if you do nothing else when you host a party - make a schedule {{if only to look back and say "oops that's where it all went to hell"}}

I collected all of the vases and the flowers that had been purchased the day before and set out to make the most unfabulous flower arrangements ever made by a gay man who doesn't have the decorating gene - we were on our way to a flawless Easter.

We finished up our "Forced Spring Cleaning" and took a well deserve nap (separately of course - you pervs!)

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Sunday morning rolled around and after lounging in bed wathing "Sunday Morning" I decided to start the day. We got tablecloths around, cleaned potatoes, pulled out the slowcookers and started to get the house into "Party Mode"

Since I have half of the Gay Gene and The Roommate has none, I'm forced to set up the house on my own as when I tell The Roommate "Just set it up nice" it usually ends up as a pile in the middle of the coffee table and when I question him about it he says "I did what you told me" of course he did!

We were having 20 people for a sit down dinner, and yet we only have 12 chairs in the house - total! The big quandry was "where is everyone going to sit" We had a big banquet table (you know those ones with the fold-up legs but not enough chairs. As we were setting up the living room inspiration hit me - we've got two couches here, who needs chairs. In a glorious moment, we set up the table and pulled the couches onto either side, "Vye Ola" (as Kelly Bundy would say) Seating for 8! And Classy too.

Everything was working out well, we follow the schedule and got the food in at the appropriate time and then it happened......the phone rang.

"But, dinner is at 4:30? Fine, fine, whatever just get here when you can."

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Dinner had to be pushed back 45 minutes - no problem that's what the schedule is for, we had plenty of time to adjust things.

We were doing well on our newly time schedule and were coming up on the last 30 minutes before the meal and all hell broke loose. Everyone showed up at the same time!

I swear they must have rented one of those little busses that shuttles people to the casinos because going from a house full of nothing to a house full of 15 cooks was chaos.

We got the food on the table, everyone ate and then sat around for 2 hours and talked while we cleaned up.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?

Everyone "Forgot" their tupperware and assumed that we were "just like Mom" and have lots to spare, but there's a big difference, we're two Gay men and she's a Grandma with 7 kids and who knows how many grandkids (I'm sure they know, it's just that I don't know). So needless to say, our refrigerator is fully stocked for the next 2 months.

Who wants to come over for dinner? Yeah, and why do we eat Ham on Easter? Is it because it's like the "anti-jewish" food or something?

Enchanted on DVD

In case you missed it, the new Disney Classic (why does Disney classify EVERYTHING as a Classic?) Enchanted has just recently been released on DVD.

In celebration, I remind you that you should run to your local Red Dot Boutique and grab your own copy.

Enjoy this clip that wasn't included in the final release of the movie.

Wear A Sweater

Not because it's cold out but in celebration of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood!

Mr. Rogers Neighborhood went on the air in 1968 - a whole year before I was born, and I remember watching him as a young girl growing up in PA. Even though I lived in the country and had no neighbors of which to speak (our closest neighbor that had kids my age was at least a mile away) I still enjoyed watching Mr. Rogers every day and learning about his magical neighborhood.

Today, March 20th, would have been his 80th Birthday. To celebrate the city of Pittsburgh (where he was from and filmed MRN) along with his production company are celebrating his birthday by encouraging everyone to Wear A Sweater, since that was his signature brand on the show and one of the first things he did at the beginning of the show.

So if you didn't put a sweater on this morning, go home and put one on.

And if you have no idea who Mr. Rogers is, then please ignore this post.

And just so you don't feel like you read all the way to the end for nothing, Spring has Sprung, I hope you're ready for it.

Tomorrow is finally the day

That we've all been waiting for. At least I know I've been waiting for it. I've been waiting for it since at least Christmas. The Roommate has been waiting for it as well, and I'm sure you've been waiting for it.

No it's not the start to that silly March Madness thing.

Tomorrow is the FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!! Time for things to come to life again. The Vernal Equinox!

Oh yeah, and sorry friends of the Southern Hemisphere, it's the start of Autumn for you - I hope you enjoyed your summer while we were freezing our asses off up here.

Now I just hope that when Jesus comes out of his cave this weekend we won't have six more weeks of winter, that would be a total bummer!

Well, everyone else is doing it

So why shouldn't I?



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How is that convenient?

Margaret Cho is coming to town and this little fag is going to see her! I mean come on, what little homo boy (or girl) doesn't love Margaret Cho?

I saw her several years ago by sheer coincidence at a little tiny miniscule comedy club out in the burbs somewhere and she was farking hilarious. I was so close to her that I could smell the bbq chips on her breath.

When I found out that she was coming to Chicago for a full blown tour I said "Get thyself to Ticketmaster and purchase those tickets."

As I'm going through the process I find that she's not sold out (thank goodness) and the tickets are fairly reasonable - $46.00.

It's not until the checkout process that Ticketmaster fucks you up the ass without any lube (and believe me you, I know how that feels - it's not a good feeling at all, no matter what people say)

A $46 tickets ended up cost $61.19, that's an overall surcharge of 33% of the cost of the tickets themselves.

And of course you don't see any of this until you're on the page to actually buy the tickets, but there's one more sneaky sneak in there......after you process the orders you find out that there's Tax and an additional Order Processing Fee of $3.15, hell I thought that's what the $20.40 fee was for?

I can understand the $3.00 per ticket "facility fee" because it helps "run" the theater - I don't have a problem with that at all.

What I don't understand is why they call the $10.20 fee per ticket a "Convenience Fee" how is that a convenience fee? I'm not bugging you on the phone, I'm not up at your ticket window yelling at you? I'm doing a totally self-service transaction and you're charging me $20.40 for that....and then $3.15 to process my order.

The interesting thing though, is if you go to the Box Office, you still get to pay the "convenience fee."

I'm surprised they don't charge to mail the tickets - they do charge to "download and print" at home?!?

Oh I hate you Ticketmaster!

Yeah, btw, if you're in town on Saturday, April 26th let me know, I've got an extra ticket!

Don't ever complain again

About your spouse spending too much time in the bathroom.

THIS woman actually spent two years sitting on the toilet without moving.

Two Years, that's 730 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes - perhaps she was trying to see what a million was actually like.

Apparently she had been sitting there for so long that the skin on her buttocks had grown AROUND the toilet seat, can you imagine?

The interesting thing (as if sitting on a toilet for 2 years isn't interesting enough) her boyfriend brought her food and water EVERY DAY!

I would hope to god that if I sat on the toilet for 2 years my boyfriend would do more than that...but perhaps he figured that if she was sitting on the toilet she wasn't bugging the fuck out of him.

I can only imagine what that's like, I mean I get bored after finishing my business, I can only hope that she had some great reading material.

Just Announced: Seven New Sins

Oh thank god, the Pope has just announced that there are seven more sins that we can commit.

I'm so excited, as I've already run through the old sins it's been getting rather boring lately. Running through them again and again - it's sort of like watching the same TV program over and over again until you know the words, pitch and nuances by heart and then you're repeating the program but the TV isn't on.

The new sins include:
- pollution,
- violations of the basic rights of human nature” through genetic manipulation
- drugs that “weaken the mind and cloud intelligence,”
- Social injustice, the imbalance between the rich and the poor.

So which sin are you gonna tackle first?

I am so YAZ'ed

I am so excited, YAZ is coming to town - what you don't know who Yaz is? Oh don't worry, neither do I, but I bet you know their music. I bet you know them individually as well.

YAZ was a combo of Alison Moyet and Vince Clarke....Vince Clarke of Erasure...you know them, right?

Anywho, you can read all about them HERE

Regardless, YAZ is coming to town and I'm going to see them. They're playing at the Fabulous Chicago Theater - which is an amazing place to see a concert (I saw Alicia Keys there a few years ago - Fab-u). I got some great seats, Third Row - Loge - Center.

So the concert is July 14th which gives me plenty of time to get re-acquainted with their music.

So hey, if you're in town, let me know I've got an extra ticket!

Finally Confirmed: I'm a Thirteen Year Old Girl

I've never admitted to growing up, even though I turned 39 a month ago, I still feel like I'm 18.

Well at least I act like I'm 18, I mean I sure as hell don't look like I'm 18!

I've known for a long time that I really am a 12 year old girl inside. I was telling a friend about a gadget I bought and he said "Well that's just silly, who would buy that?" Uhm, hello....me and a bunch of 12 year old girls.

Turning 39 this year has made me come to turns that perhaps I'm not really a 12 year old gir, that perhaps now I'm actually more like a Teenager.

That was all proved earlier this week when I heard this song on the radio. It's a remake but not a remake, they're just using the background track from another song and updated/added new lyrics.

I've got this cool feature on my phone where it will analyze a song and tell you who the song title is along with the artist and album information. Even better - it's FREE (because they want you to buy the songs online from them - that's where they make their money, the bastards!)

So the song came on while I was in the car so I pulled out my phone and let it do it's magic! 10 seconds seemed like 30 as I waited for it to finish analyzing and giving me the details!

**BONK** the phone went and the title popped up on the screen. If I had been driving I'm sure that I would have hit the guard rails and flown off the side of the cliff.

Here's the song I'm currently in love with

So it's official, I'm officially a Thirteen Year Old (x3)

There's a new joke over there

Check out my newest post on The Joke Reader

A little background on this joke. I've been telling this joke for at least the last 15 years, and I've probably been telling it exactly as I do here for the last 10 years.

This is my Mother's favorite joke, and she makes me tell it to all of her friends.

Funny though, I hardly tell this joke to anyone other than my mother's friends.

It's like that movie "The Game" with Michael Douglas...it's only really good the first time because you don't know what's going to happen...but every time you watch it later, you still know how it ends.

So, ENJOY!