The most expensive lunch

I don't know who to really be mad at, so I'll just be mad at myself because I'm the only one to blame...but I had the most expensive lunch EVER today, and I've just got to laugh about it!

Let me start off by saying that typically, I get to go home for lunch - it's a nice perk! I live just a few miles from work and I'm able to make it home, have a nutrious lunch, watch some TV and then have a bit of road rage on my way back to the office for the afternoon. But like I said...typically.

Today was not a typical day, a friend had some teeth pulled and asked if I could get him some ice cream and bring it to him - how could I deny someone asking for ice cream? So I puttered to the store, grabbed the ice cream and dropped it off at my friends house, he was in some discomfort but the Vicodin were kicking in so he was happy. I had been planning on getting my hair cut during lunch but instead decided to grab a quick bite to eat, take it back to the office with me and then leave a few minutes early instead...so I was trying to determine where to have lunch.

White Castle? No, too greasy. McDonald's? No, too full of regret. Jimmy John's? Hell yeah, they're fast - but not cheap - and they're healthy if you don't get the mayo, so I decided on Jimmy John's.

Now here's where the fun part of the story comes into play. Last year the City of Chicago sold off their parking meters to a third-party and in the time of a year a few things happened. Parking went from $0.25 an hour to $1.25 an hour. To facilitate this daily rape, parking meters were removed and replaced with boxes that instead print out a receipt that you display on your dashboard. The only nice thing about this system is that you can use a credit card as a form of payment, so the anal penetration doesn't feel as bad.

So.....I pull up to the Jimmy John's, I get out of the car, give a quick look up and down the street for enforcement officers and deicde - I might add, for the first time - to just run into Jimmy John's grab my sandwich instead of putting a quarter in the parking meter. Hell, Jimmy John's advertises that they're the fastest, both for making sandwiches and for delivery, so I figured at most, I'd be in and out the door in less than five minutes. Previously I'd done this in under three minutes - it's amazing...but not today.

Instead, the lady in front of me, for the love of god, can't make up her mind what she wants. She even says to the cashier "I don't know what I want" and instead of stepping aside and letting me order, she stands there for way too long contemplating the menu board, finally she orders. And then one of the guys making sandwiches goes on break. Then the woman who was apparently in line before the lady who couldn't make up her mind comes back to pay for her lunch - I guess she couldn't dig the money out of her purse when she was in line the first time.

Finally, it's my time to order, I spew out my order, pay and wait for my sandwich to get made....which seems to take forever. As the sandwich maker is handing me my sandwich, I turn and glance outside and what do I see.......none other than a Parking Enforcement Agent (you can't say Meter Maid anylonger, that's not PC). CRAP, FUCK, SHIT, I say to myself as I grab my sandwich and head out the door.

I cross the street, but not before the Jimmy John's Delivery Guy looks at me, points at my car and says "yours" to which I reply "yeah." The PEA is walking from the front of my car, where she saw I didn't have a parking receipt, to the back of my car to get my license number while she's punching in the numbers on her handheld computer. I walk up and say "Hello?" She looks at me and says "Oh, I'm sorry man." I tell her, it's not her fault, it's my fault, I should have paid for parking, but Jimmy John's wasn't as fast as they advertise today.

We both chuckle and she says "Yeah, don't they have a commercial about a Police Officer giving someone a ticket?" We both laugh as she rips the ticket off of her printer and says "I really hate to do this, you're the nicest guy I've ever given a ticket too," as she hands me the $50 parking ticket stuffed in a bright orange VIOLATION envelope.

In case you're wondering, this is the first time EVER that I've gotten a meter violation ticket - and it'll be the last one too!

Needless to say, I took my time and enjoyed that $50 sandwich!