HEY.......

Where ya from?

OMG, I really think I'm a teenaged girl!

OMG, CYBI? I just got my cellphone bill and i about gagged on my Lipton Apple Flavored Tea. My bill was close to $100 when it should be around $50. As I pulled out my magnifying glass and started going through the bill with a fine tooth comb I see what happened. They were charging me $10 for GPS service that I never downloaded or used, I'm getting that $10 back! The other frightening thing is I went over my text message package by 259 messages......that means I get to pay Verizon $25.90 EXTRA this month because I've been using my cell phone as a teletype instead of a telephone.

I sent and received 759 messages this past month, now considering that there are 30 days in a month that means that on average I "handled" up to 25 text messages a day. WTF was I doing?

It is amazing though, if you just push one little button instead of pressing a whole bunch of other buttons to spell out a whole bunch of different words you get to actually speak to the person - LIVE! You can ask them any questions you want or just breath heavy if that's your game - but since Caller ID is de rigueur that game isn't as much fun as it used to be. Ain't technology wonderful?

Geez man....I had no idea that I was so "in" with the "in" crowd. I always knew that I was a Teenage Girl at heart, but I think that I've really proved it this time. I mean I love me some Disney Princesses (as can be witnessed by my lastest America's Most Embarrassing Moment). I think I may have to go out and find a Sugar Daddy so I can support my text messaging habit.

OK, L8R Bitches!(oh yeah, apparently that's the cool way to say goodbye to your friends so don't get mad at me for calling you a bitch....but then if you are a bitch you already knew that and you didn't need me to tell you)

I figure I must be about 13......how old do you think you are?

Of Polar Bears and Penquins

Have you seen that Coca Cola commercial with the Polar Bears?

I'm sure you have.....the Polar Bears have been the official mascot of Coca-Cola for several years now.

What I find funny about the most current incarnation of the commercial with the Polar Bears being approached by a bunch of Penquins who offer the Bears bottles of Coke.

Am I the only one left that really knows that Polar Bears and Penquins don't mix?

All I got for Christmas

Bad Haircut
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Was a really bad haircut.....(not really I got a few other things)

What did you get?

It doesn't seem like the holidays.

I think it's me because it doesn't seem like the Holidays at all. It just seems like a really busy, pushy time of year. Holidays used to be a time when we could reflect on the year that's gone by remembering the good times and reminding ourselves about the not so good times.

One thing I love about living in Chicago is being able to enjoy Chicago. Right now I'm sitting in my local grocery store watching the frenzy around me. People pushing and shoving to get in line to buy the few things they need to hold them over for the day and half that the store will be closed (which reminds me, we need milk). On the Magnificent Mile people are even ruder, I witnessed a woman with a dog, in the mall get mad at a kid who stepped on her precious little creature because the mall was packed and I thought you weren't allowed to have lahopsa opsas in the mall I don't think it was a seeing eye dog.

Christmas seems so commercial here in the States...you've got to have this, your loved one will love this, don't forget aunt so-and-so, it seems endless.

Although I may not be with my family this year, I actually am with my family – my Friends. This is what Christmas is about – not running around buying presents for people who wont remember next year what you bought them last year but feel obligated to do so – no Christmas is the time to be around the ones you love. In that respect, I've had a great Holiday.

So while you're running around in the hustle and bustle of all that is life, just take a deep breath and realize exactly what is important.

Happy Holidays!

Merry Christmas

Britney Spears is rubbing off on her sister

No, she's not rubbing one off....she's just rubbing off on her sister.

Can you believe that Jamie Lynn is pregnant....at 16?!? WTF?!?

I bet Brit Brit tries to steal the kid and make it her own....who wants to bet?

I guess it's true, the apple doesn't fall far from the Trailer Park.

Welcome to Zoo Lights

Welcome to Zoo Lights
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Every year the Lincoln Park Zoo (one of the few remaining free zoos in the country) lights up the night with Zoo Lights.

We decided to go and see what all the hoopla was about, if you'd like to follow along just click on the picture or HERE and you can join us as we walk around the zoo.

I was rather disappointed though, I must admit, it was not anything like I had expected for a Zoo to do. I mean come on, anyone can wrap lights around a tree......I wanted to see lights wrapped around a giraffe or perhaps a lion - now THAT takes talent.

I'm just kidding, Zoo Lights was fun, it was cold, it was a great night out with friends to enjoy all that is Chicago and get kicked out of the gift shop because we were playing with all of the stuffed animals.

I wish you were here so you could have gone with us....perhaps next year?

What are things coming to in Boystown?

Boystown used to be the gay mecca in Chicago. It was the area where all of the gay boys congregated, it was the Castro of the Midwest! I don't think you could be gay and not have lived in Boystown at one point or another, but recently the neighborhood has really been changing. I remember a time in the not so distant past when the only people that got on the El at Belmont were gay boys......now there's hardly any gay boys at that stop. There used to be a time when you couldn't throw a high heeled shoe without hitting a gay boy in Boystown....but not anymore. The bars are still there, but now there are a whole lot more straight bars, and families, and baby carriages. People moving into new construction next to a night club and then suing the night club because they play music late at night (I guess they didn't realize where they were moving to).

Even more so lately there are fewer and fewer gay boys in Boystown - it's still gay, all the bars are there and the Center on Halsted is there, and the Rainbow Pylons on there, but it's not the Boystown of years past.

A friend of mine sent me this email, and I had to share it with you because it just so puncuates what's happening to Boystown and what's happening to "our generation." I just have one question....what the fuck is wrong with people


Dear Michael,

My friend Paul and I were having dinner at Las Mañanitas last night. We sat next to a family of a man, a mother, another woman and four kids under 10. Now, it was Friday and busy, and I'm sure we waited 45 minutes for a table for two, so I can only imagine how long the group of 7 must have waited. It was at least 9:30, which is bed time, not dinner time, and the kids were tired, hungry, cranky and really unruly, none of which was their fault of course. It was just another case of unforgivably bad Generation X parenting.

Mom seemed okay with letting the kids run amok (out of their seats and running around, yelling to get her attention while she chatted with the other grown-ups at the table . . . I know you know the drill all too well and I'm sure you also know that there's just no room for that at Las Mañanitas), until the kids got to be too annoying and whiny for her to have a conversation. At first I thought for sure that the man who turned out to be the father was the gay uncle. He reminded a lot of my future ex-brother-in-law, Jim--cheesy metrosexual haircut and no damn help at all with the kids. When mom had had enough of one of the kids, she stood up and pushed her chair backwards and grabbed one of her kids by the arm and started yelling. She was so engaged in yelling at her daughter, that she didn't realize the chair had knocked a five-foot-tall potted palm over and onto a woman sitting at another table.

The woman's partner, let's call her "the sensitive dyke," after helping her partner get the palm tree off of her, said to the family, "thank you for ruining everyone's evening," which seemed a tad melodramatic to me, but I was elated that someone had dared to say something.

Mom stopped yelling at the girl long enough to challenge the sensitive dyke with, "Excuse me."

Sensitive dyke said it again and added, "you just knocked the palm tree onto my partner."

Mom had the gall to look around the room amused. She really didn't seem able to fathom that anyone would actually say anything to her. I'm sure she does this at the mall all the time. She never once apologized. Instead she chuckled and said something sarcastic to sensitive dyke. It was something like, "I think she'll live." And then she went on with something like, "Ooooh, I ruined everyone's night. Whaaaaatever."

Sensitive dyke tried to explain what the problem was calmly but was met with a caustic, sarcastic comment every time. Everyone who could see was watching and listening. The waitstaff had gathered and was moving the palm tree. Sensitive dyke gave up and sat down. Someone at another table yelled across the restaurant, "Jodie Foster is gay." I guess mom looked a little like Jodie Foster. I was thinking that it seemed like the straight family felt entitled to act like they were at the Olive Garden at Lincolnwood while they were in the gay restaurant in Boystown, and that this was a nice way to break the tension.

The non sequitur might have worked. Everyone kinda laughed, except the family, until mom yelled back, "that's probably why she stabbed herself."

I was really shocked, and it takes a lot for me. Now it was sensitive dyke's partner's turn to challenge mom with, " What did you just say?"

And mom started to repeat it, until a big hot guy from another table yelled, "Shut the fuck up!"

Mom started to say something back, but the same guy said, "No, bitch, you need to shut the fuck up and get your kids under control," and threw his balled up napkin at her. People in the restaurant applauded. Or maybe it was just me. Mom looked at gay dad, then gay dad stood up and said something intelligent like, "No, you shut up . . . I don't want to have to kick your ass."

Big hot guy said back, "No, you need to shut the fuck up too. You can't even control your kids." Metrosexual wimp dad was barking up the wrong tree with the big hot guy, but what else was a "straight" (ha ha) guy going to do when someone was throwing stuff at his wife and telling her to "shut the fuck up, bitch?" I knew queer-as-a-three-dollar-bill dad wasn't about to do anything. But the waiters all rushed over and quietly told the family they needed to settle down or they would have to leave. Way to go, Las Mañanitas!

Of course, seeing all this, the kids were very upset, which is the most unfortunate aspect. I really feel bad for the kids who got traumatized in public because their parents are assholes with poor parenting skills. To the family's credit, they went into doting parent mode, but it got turned into, "Noooo, nooooo, honey . . . it wasn't your fault . . . it was those mean gay people." The other woman with group (I don't know if it was a group marriage or what), and to a lesser extent metrosexual dad, tried pretty unsuccessfully to reason with mom about how she might not have been the victim here. Mom eventually sent a pitcher of margaritas to the table that had told her to shut up, but I never once heard the words, "I'm sorry," cross her lips.

I would be willing to bet my raise that she's telling this story today as how she was straight-bashed in Boystown last night.

Where does an old queen go for dinner?

Bank of America is so good to me

I have a credit card with Bank of America....I've had it forever and always try to pay off the balance like a good American every month - NOT. This notice was at the bottom of my last statement:

REDUCED PAYMENT OFFER: PAY ONLY $15 THIS MONTH. REGULAR PAYMENTS WILL RESUME NEXT MONTH. FINANCE CHARGES WILL CONTINUE TO ACCRUE. PAYING ONLY THE REDUCED PAYMENT AMOUNT WILL EXTEND YOUR TERM AND MAY NOT BE ENOUGH TO PAY OFF YOUR FINANCE CHARGES. PLEASE REMEMBER TO PAY ON TIME TO AVOID LATE FEES. GET EXTRA CASH FAST! JUST WRITE ONE OF THE ENCLOSED CHECKS TODAY! GET THE CASH YOU NEED! CALL 1-800-XXX-XXXX TO HAVE YOUR AVAILABLE FUNDS DEPOSITED INTO YOUR CHECKING ACCOUNT TODAY!
SIMPLIFY YOUR LIFE. SIGN UP FOR AUTOMATIC PAYMENT DEDUCTION.
PLEASE CALL US AT 1-800-XXX-XXXX FOR MORE DETAILS.

Basically what they want me to do is only pay $15 instead of my regular monthly payment and in exchange for them saving me all of that extra money they get to charge me 2 months of interest payments - ain't that nice of them.

No wonder Americans are in the Credit Crunch that they're in....

GE must need a big tax write off this year

The Roommate is watching that "Clash of the Choirs" program on NBC. I came into it late so didn't quite get what was going on....all I saw were soliders and Generals and thinking to myself "Ah, GE is trying to bolster support for the war." Which is a great thing, I think at this time of the year (hell all year long) that we have to remember that there is a War going on....even though we're carrying on as "normal" and pretending that nothing is really going on....but there IS a WAR Going on, and we do need to remember to support our troops. Those men and women that are over there fighting for my right to be an American Citizen. I could never be a solider and was very disappointed when the "don't ask, don't tell" policy came into being. I had a great escape planned to Canada if I would ever been called to service...thank goodness that never happened......so I continue wathing "Clash of the Choirs" and suddenly the head of GE, who happens to be a Brigadire General, enters the stage and says that GE is donating $250 Million USD to the Disabled Veterans Fund.....yeah GE, that's great....that's wonderful what you're doing.....You are so generous during this time of year.......wait.......you're basically giving the US Government money........yeah.....you're "donating" $250M to support Disabled Veterans.....veterans that the US Government should be taking care of because they're veterans........but they're not because they've spent so much freaking money on this stupid endless war......so I guess GE must be needing a big tax write off this year because of their donation......because they give the $250M away and then they get to write it off too....right?

Lip Dubbing - True Loves Kiss

You'll have to blame Andrea for what you're about to see....go over and tell her how disgusted you are.

Make Do

A walk down Michigan Avenue
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

When you lose your Bluetooth headset what is a boy to do? Improvise!

I don't need no stinkin' Bluetooth.....I'm just afraid of what's going to happen during the summer.....ear muffs won't be too warm will they?

Now I've got to listen to Abba all day!

Now that I've watched this trailer, it's going to be an All-Day Friday Abba Day on my iPod.

2 Girls, 1 Cup - A Reaction (another one)

Boy, you are so lucky that you don't live near me....otherwise I'd probably pull this joke on you too.

The Roommate's Reaction to 2 Girls 1 Cup

Have you seen 2 girls, 1 cup? If you haven't you're going to have to find it all on your own. There is no way in the world that I would ever want your mother to think that I provided the link.

Regardless, my Roommate saw 2 Girls, 1 Cup this evening....this is his reaction:



You should watch it and then video tape your friends. They'll thank you for it.

Britney Spears is at it again

Oh that Britney Spears, she's such a card. She just never tires of being in the public eye does she? If only she would start performing again she'd have something to do with her spare time instead of all the crazy whacked out things she's been doing lately.

I just found out through my secret sources over at MSNBC and TMZ have reported that Brit Brit stole a lighter over the weekend.....a lighter worth a whopping $1.39 (plus tax i'm sure)

Does no one have anything better to do?

Brit Brit needs a job!

A Butt On the iPhone

We were at the Apple Store on Michigan Avenue yesterday looking at the new iPhones.

You'll be surprised at what we found when we started looking at the photos people had taken.

Wamu is watching my back

Wamu is watching my back
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

I think it's so great that Wamu is watching my back. I've got a credit card with them that has a zero balance so they sent me this checks so I can access those unutilized dollars.

First off they're offering me an amazing 1.99%* Introductory APR for only 6 months and then it's going to only go up to 12.24% + The then current Prime Rate, currently just 19.99%

Oh then on top of it they're going to charge me a 3% "transaction fee" to just cash the check (with a $5 minimum/$75 maximum).

WHAT THE FUCK!

I hate these stupid fucking "convenience checks" that the bank just sends all the fucking time so that I'll fall for their stupid little ploy to make them more money.

A Movie Weekend - In Review

Inspirational, Fucked Up, Enchanted

Those are the words that I would use to describe the movies I saw this weekend.

First I saw "For the Bible Tells Me So" a documentary about how the right wing Christian conservative has used select phrases from the bible to condemn homosexuality to improve their agenda.

This movie is currently making the "Art House" theater run, and if it's in your town you should really go see it. Whether you're gay, straight, lesbian, transgender, it doesn't matter this movie will help you understand how the "church" uses only select pieces of select verses to explain how god thinks homosexuality is a sin. This was an amazing movie, but after about 45 minutes of facts things started to get muddle. It's not the movies fault, An Inconvenient Truth was the same way.

Then I saw "It is Fine. Everything is Fine." All I can say is FUCKED UP! Read about it yourself, because those descriptions make more sense than this movie. It was the weirdest most fucked up movie I have ever seen. The thing that was more intriguing than the movie was the audience. Everyone sat stoned faced and totally drawn into the movie while my friend and I sat there looking at each other - me with my hand over my mouth laughing harder than I've ever laughed and him with a look of disgust on his face.

Here's how I'd describe that movie - uhm.....I can't. Although they do show a lot of boobies and a man with cerebal palsy gets a blowjob from a woman who then straddles him and puts his penis in her vagina (yes I know the proper words for those things).

It was THE MOST DISTURBING thing I have ever seen.

Fortunately the last movie I saw as Enchanted and Enchanted was enchanting.

Have you seen it yet? You really need to! It was funny, it was sad, it was predictible but I will definitely buy it when it comes on DVD and I've already purchased the soundtrack.