The Joke Reader - Episode Two

This joke is brought to you by Sam G. of Chicago, IL

If you would like me to read your joke, send an email to: TheJokeReader@gmail.com

I'm back safe and sound

In case you were wondering, I went to Saugatuck, MI over the weekend, just a few highlights:

• Dodging fallen trees in Chicago from the massive storm the night before
• A Pinky crushed in the window
• Michael not being allowed to touch power window buttons
• Bypassing flooded highways and byways
• Having the Pool Bar close 15 minutes after we get there
• Being called "chunky" by the fat boys
• People learing through the window at us during dinner only to realize we were sitting right by the posted menu
• Scary woods
• Shopping in quaint shoppes
• Breakfast with Chicago friends
• Watching fish being cleaned
• Sitting by the pool drinking margaritas and soaking up the rays
• Wearing my most "revealing" bathing suit and realizing it was actually quite modest.
• Meeting Chicago people that live up the street
• Golf Cart ride to the lake to watch the sun set
• Dinner on friends patio surrounded by candle light and crickets
• Sleeping late
• Laughing, more laughing and laughing until you start choking, even at the most inapporpriate times.
• Teasing all the boys (well we thought we were teasing them)

If you'd like to see the pictures of the weekend you can find them HERE

Who got here how?

I love StatCounter, it's a great way for me to keep track of the 4 of you people out there that read my blog.

One of the best features though is the "Keyword Analysis" or better known as "How the heck did people find me." Here are some of the latest and greatest:

- how do you know a boy wants to go out with you?? - If I could answer that, I'd be a millionaire!

- what do boy kittens weiners looks like - Uhm, I don't think I want to know.

- are you sure you want a puppy? What's with all the animal questions? This is NOT a beastality blog.

- chicago itch mites pictures - Oh yeah, this was pretty bad this year, haven't heard much more about it though.

- 703-656-9940 - That's the stupid NRA calling me

- loopy fruit - This is my friends Podcast (www.loopyfruit.com)

- catch the megabus union station
- megabus, bathroom

- vanity fair anniston break-up This got me a lot of business a while ago because I spelled her name wrong, oops

- a girl socking a boys weiner and doing evrything nasty to him - Socking, what the hell is that?

- whats the address to write off to if you want to be in a film - I think it depends on the "kind" of movie you want to be in.

grown woman pissed - No matter what you read, I am NOT a grown pissed off woman' (I mean not that there's anything wrong with that)

- i want to know how to flip to make extra money - Flip what? Pancakes

- expiration date la choy soy sauce - I don't think there is one
buckelroos - Oh this was a horrid "making of" a porn movie we saw a few years ago, yuck!

- dreams destroyed my life - Your dreams must really suck

- drunk gay boys blog - I'm hardly ever drunk, only on days that end in "Y"

- bad street boys make you wanna - Who doesn't like a bad street boy?

- can you get scabies from a stripper? - Probably!

What brought you here today?

You wouldn't believe me if I told you

But I'm going to tell you anyway!

Guess who I met this week? Nope......ah no.....oh I wish..ok I'll tell you!

I got to meet another Blogger IRL, is that not amazing!

A few weeks back I got an email from The Big Finn that he and Mrs. TBF were going to be passing through Chicago and they wanted to meet up for dinner. I always get excited when people from foreign lands want to break bread with me, it makes me want to go out and read all of the Miss Manners books to make sure I'm acting properly, but then I forget about it and realize that they read this blog so it's not going to do any good.

We exchanged a few emails and text messages and confirmed up the place and time, a relatively new BBQ joint called Smoque that had recently been reviewed in the April issue of Gourmet Magazine (That's where TBF found it). I dutifly arrived just a few minutes late (thanks to lovely Chicago Traffic) and waited in line to place our orders.

It was BYOB but unfortunately I have a rule against drinking and driving, it's not that I can't drink and drive it's just that "I'm just a girl that cain't say no." and once I've started drinking, I've got to continue until someone passes out or throws up - whichever comes first! And TBF was stocked to the gills with a styrofoam cooler filled with exotic elixirs that included Chipotle Beer, German Beer, Wine and some Gnasty Smoked Beer (remember the last time you drank beer out of an ashtray? Well that's what it tasted like, honest.)

Mr. & Mrs. TBF brought along one of their college buddies and his adorable wife (who just happened to be a Vegetarian - yes we all got a good laugh out of that one).

As we were waiting in line Mrs. TBF said that she had a surprise, another Blogger was meeting us for dinner.....and not just any blogger but a blogger from across the pond. A blogger from Madrid!

Shortly after that announcement the door opened and in walked Sal DeTraglia once after I got over my excitment of being able to add another blogger to my "list of bloggers I've met in person" I quickly asked for his autograph and confirmed that he was a heterosexual - DAMN!!!!! Why are all the good ones straight?!?

Dinner was amazing, we sat next to a table of Chicago's Finest while we gnawed on bones from cows and pigs that gave up their lives willingly for us. We talked about "What is this blogging thing?" and "You mean you've met other people this way?" to the State of the Union and why the baked macaroni there was the best I have ever eaten (Please don't tell my Mom she would be rather upset because up until this time hers was the best ever).

The owner of the place came over and stole one of TBF's beers and brought us a tray of "Deep Fried Corn Bread" and was amazed that half of the table was from "over there." The food was amazing and I'll definitely go back and if you live in the Chicago area you should put it on your list!

Around 9:30 we decided to leave, only to find out that the place closed at 9:00 - I guess they were afraid to kick us out. We all said our goodbyes and I got in my car and headed back to my little city house!

I always love meeting Bloggers!

What did you do this weekend?

We went to Synphoria!

First we saw Aquatic Vegas



Then we saw some Fire Dancing



Then we saw some Belly Dancing



And then we saw a Cello saw itself in half



So what did you do?

The Joke Reader

Check out this new feature on What's A Boy To Do.



If you'd like me to read your joke, send it to: TheJokeReader@gmail.com

Time to walk in the grass again

No shoes
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Synphoria is going on again this weekend and I'm taking three new friends with me.

I've been hyping it up and getting them all excited but not telling them exactly what's going on so they can enjoy the anticipation like I did.

The next time you come to town we'll make sure it's during a Synphoria weekend so you can take your shoes off and walk through the grass while sitting on the couch and dancing in your bare feet.

I have to admit that there's nothing quite like it!

Gettin' Crafty with it!

I’m in a crafty sort of mood.

taken directly from Nancy's Blog, which in turn was taken from kim’s blog

here are the rules:

It is simple. If you are one of the first three commentors on this post, then you are in. I send you a homemade gift sometime, er, soon. In return, you go to your blog and make the same offer. So, you’ll be making 3 things and receiving one.

Kim’s My list of useful FAQ’s

What if I don’t like my gift? - Too bad. Mom taught us all how to be gracious.

What if I’m not crafty or artistic? - So? Do it anyway. There are millions of things to be made and some part of you needs to get in to the process of creating something with your hands. It is therapeutic and eye opening. Even if it is a paper airplane. You could always do an artist trading card…they can be easy or hard, depending upon your effort.

What about shipping? - Like I said, an artist trading card? That might cost one stamp or less. But if you want to make a bust of the recipient out of pine, go ahead.

So are you up for it? I'm up for it...who's it gonna be?

I'd rather an inch worm

Than an itch mite!

This mornings lead news story was an outbreak of Itch Mites in the Chicagoland area, several hundred people have already been infected with these nasty little buggers.

The media is doing a great job of keeping these Itch Mites undercover and not revealing what they REALLY are - SCABIES!!!!

Have you ever had scabies? I did, about 20 years ago, I went to several doctors who had no idea what was going on, as I had these terrible itchy, oozy welts and sores all over my hands, in between my fingers and just causing general havoc, it was terrible.

Finally, I went to a local health clinic and the doctor looked at me and said "Oh you've got scabies" Fortunately it was able to be cleared up in about a week after that with some lotion and a round of antibiotics.

I never want to get scabies again, so I'm going to wrap myself in saran wrap until this "Itch Mite" scare is over!

Stardust - A Movie Review

You know I'm bad at giving movie reviews, so I'll leave that up to the professionals.

Friday night I went to see Stardust at our local cinema, well not local really because I had to take two trains and walk 4 blocks to get there and it's in a different area code, but local nonetheless.

I like going to the movies, I won't say I LOVE going to the movies, only because there are typically other people in the movie theater that ruin it for me when I'm immersed in the experience of watching a movie.

I knew it was opening night of the movie so I procured my ticket online via Fandango (have you used Fandango, it's fabulous) and planned on getting to the theater early to get my favored seat, four rows from the back directly in front of the seat that lines up with projector. It has to be four rows from the back because every other row in this theater has the "reclining" seats (think of how far airplane seats recline, you get the idea) and directly under the projector so you don't have to move your head from side-to-side to catch all of the action. I know, preferably I should be a few rows further south so that I can catch the "true surround sound" experience, but that means less to me so I don't care.

I got to the theater early, picked up my ticket (I don't do the 'print your ticket at home' stuff because I like to have my ticket [I know, I'm a freak]), purchased my medium bag of popcorn and smuggled my bottle of water and bag of M&M's into the theater. As I entered the theater I saw two queens were already in my preferred seats, obviously they didn't get my memo! So I was forced to sit two rows back (remember reclining seats). I had plenty of time to spare, so I pulled out my Entertainment Weekly and started reading (of course skipping over the reviews of the movie I was about to watch).

The Movie Theater is such a microcosm of society, don't you think? You've got the early adopters (like me that want the seat they want), you've got the noisy howler monkey children who don't understand the concept of a movie theater and parents who don't know how to discipline, you've got the talkers, the ones who constantly have to run to the snack bar.

The ones that kill me the most are those that arrive just as the previews start with their crew of 6 people on a sold out opening night and all want to sit together and then proceed to get upset when the only place where there are 6 seats together is in the front row - I just want to ask those people - "Did you JUST now decide to get 5 of your friends together and come to this movie? Didn't you plan at all?" But if I did that I'd face the potential of losing my own seat.

The other ones that kill me are the ones that come up and say "Oh could you please move so we can all sit together?" Uhm, no, it's not my fault you're a bad planner, I got here early so I could sit where I wanted to, you should try to do that next time.

Stardust was a really cute movie, if you enjoyed the Princess Bride then you'll enjoy this, its a fantasy/romance/comedy. Long story short - Boy likes Girl who is out of his reach, they live next to "magical land." King of Magical Land dies, 7 brothers vie for Kingdom by "catching" the fallen star which the king created right before he died. Boy tries to impress Girl by bringing back fallen star, instead falls in love with star all while trying to outrun brothers who are trying to take over the kingdom and a witch that wants to eat the star so she can remain young. Only to find out that his true love isn't who he thought it was to begin with.

My favorite part were the ghosts of the dead brothers, each one appears as they did when they died (one brother falls off a cliff so his face is smushed, another was in the bath so he's naked). Everytime someone would die and they were around they would "rate" how that person died.

There were a lot of knife fights and killings, but they almost never showed it on camera - so it's kid friendly in that respect, instead they let you imagine what it must have looked like.

Would I buy it? Yes

Yeah, that's all the review you get.

Missing: One Shoe

Missing: One Shoe
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

How do you lose one shoe?

One sock I can understand, one pair of underwear I can understand, one t-shirt I can understand, but how do you lose ONE SHOE!

And a hiking boot to boot, it's not like it's a flip flop. I know where my flip flops are, I've been wearing the hell out of them this summer since I lost one of my boots.

I like flip flops.....I was never a "show your feet" kinda person but a few years ago that changed - who knows why. When I was a kid I never liked to show my underarms, so I never wore tank tops and when I had to play basketball in ninth grade I had to throw everything underhand!

If you'd like to find out about my alter ego "Sporty Mike", you should check out my sports podcast on Loopy Fruit, you can find the show HERE

But enough about my freakiness.

I've been wearing flip flops all summer and my feet are killing me. Well I guess my feet aren't killing me so much as my big toes are killing me from having to dig themselves into the flip flop so they don't fall off. I would say flip flops are as hard to wear for a guy as high heels. When you wear flip flops you're hanging on by your toes for dear life and when you're wearing heels your doing the only thing and hoping you don't fall on your ass. I guess at least with flip flops you don't have far to fall if you have a "blow out."

I like wearing flip flops but I always have a fear of losing one. And wouldn't you know it, I was at the grocery store the other day, wearing my flip flops and as I look at this cute guy, I misstep and walk completely out of my flip flop....I was suddenly just a flop and missing my flip! I was mortified.

I just grabbed my case of corona and handful of limes and walked to the cash register.

But more importantly, tell me. How did I lose a boot? I can't explain it, it was there one day and suddenly gone the next. I didn't throw it out in the trash, it's not under the bed, I don't know where the fuck it has gone. The dog hasn't eaten it and my parents didn't pack it up in their luggage (it was gone before they got here)

I'm keeping the one just in case the other one gets lonely and wants to come back or more so because I know as soon as I throw it out, the other one will suddenly appear.

I just hope some voodoo priestess doesn't have it!

What's the strangest thing that you've lost?

We always do it backwards

Millennium Park
Originally uploaded by Michael_L

Oh this poor neglected blog. What have I done to you - or more specifically - what HAVEN'T I done?

Whew, it's been a crazy few weeks here in the Midwest.

Last week at this time I was bidding my family adieu as I dumped them off at the local airport and hoped that their flight wouldn't be cancelled.

No, seriously though - my whole family came for a visit, their first time ever in Chicago and the first time to visit me in the 7 years that I lived here.

Now before you go off - there's good reason. My parents are snowbirds and when I lived in Atlanta they would stop at my house at least twice a year. Unfortunately Chicago is not on the route to Florida and who in their right mind would come to Chicago in the winter. My parents run their own business and Summer is their busy time - but this year my Mom said that they were coming out to celebrate her birthday!

We had 4 super super super full days of excitement - if you've spent any time with me, you know that I love to play Julie McCoy. When I was asked what to bring for their trip, I kept repeating "Comfortable Walking Shoes".

Of course my sister didn't listen to me and instead of bringing trainers (a word I learned from Andrea) she brought these espadrilly shoe things that were uncomfortable for me to look at.

Let's just say that we walked ALL OVER Chicago. Here's just a highlight of what we did:
- Looked at Chicago from atop the Sears Tower Sky Deck
- Walked through numerous "lobbies" of high rises (to cool off)
- Tried to force our way into the Chicago Board of Trade
- Had our pictures taken with $1,000,000 at Federal Reserve Bank (uhm, my sister likes Money)
- Strolled through Millennium Park (where we took this backwards family portrait)
- Walked from one end of The Magnificent Mile to the other
- We saw the inner workings of the Michigan Avenue Draw Bridge
- Went to a Chicago Symphony Orchestra concert at Ravinia and sat on the grass
- Played 31 at Ravinia
- Continously got "shushed" at Ravinia
- Saw the worlds largest herd of privately owned Lipizzan Horses
- Drove out to the burbs
- Ate a 25 pound lasagna
- Saw people spinning fire in honor of the full moon
- Saw people beating on drums
- Went shopping at Target and Sam's Club
- Played LCR
- Played Chicken Foot and Mexican Train

We had a FABULOUS time and the weather was perfect unlike this week where it's hot, humid and humiliating to go out of doors!

You can take a look at all of our photos HERE

I'm on Consumerist AGAIN!

But this time I'm bloody embarrassed.

I've been out of my normal routine of checking up on you people to see what you've been up to so my first day at work has been spent doing such (I mean I can't do that on my personal time, it just wouldn't be right.)

So I'm flipping through one of my most favorite sites (I mean besides yours - yours is always my favorite) The Consumerist where there's a post about a guy that ordered 2 Exxon Mobil Credit cards and got 2000 instead.

I thought the picture was funny so I clicked on the rest of the story to read along with the others...it wasn't until I looked closely at the picture and realized

OH SHIT - THAT'S ME!!!!

They've used my pictures several times before and I'm always grateful, but now I'm having second thoughts of it.

I guess since I posted a photo of myself looking stupified, this is what I get!

Fortunately looking through the comments no one was too totally mean to me and a few actually said the photo made them laugh.

Well, we can thank the Fabulous Andilicious as the reason for the photo.

Here's a link to the Post