Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Monday, March 24, 2008
Why do we eat Ham on Easter? or WTF was I thinking?
Several weeks back, in fact right after I returned from 10 glorious days in Florida, The Roommate nonchalantly said "I think I want to host Easter at our house this year. It will give my Mom a break.......shortly after that I started to phase out as I went into Party Planning Mode. BUT, this was The Roommates Easter, not mine, so I would just be there as a facilitator.
So for a few weeks I didn't think about it, as it wasn't my party and I would just be helping out.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Everything was working out swimmingly, we had gone grocery shopping, The Roommate had made out the menu, again I was just going along for the ride pushing the buggy and handing the nice lady my Sam's Club Card.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Saturday rolled around, we sit down and I force The Roommate to make out a time schedule so he knows when everything is to go in what oven/fridge/microwave and what time everything will come out (believe me you, if you do nothing else when you host a party - make a schedule {{if only to look back and say "oops that's where it all went to hell"}}
I collected all of the vases and the flowers that had been purchased the day before and set out to make the most unfabulous flower arrangements ever made by a gay man who doesn't have the decorating gene - we were on our way to a flawless Easter.
We finished up our "Forced Spring Cleaning" and took a well deserve nap (separately of course - you pervs!)
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Sunday morning rolled around and after lounging in bed wathing "Sunday Morning" I decided to start the day. We got tablecloths around, cleaned potatoes, pulled out the slowcookers and started to get the house into "Party Mode"
Since I have half of the Gay Gene and The Roommate has none, I'm forced to set up the house on my own as when I tell The Roommate "Just set it up nice" it usually ends up as a pile in the middle of the coffee table and when I question him about it he says "I did what you told me" of course he did!
We were having 20 people for a sit down dinner, and yet we only have 12 chairs in the house - total! The big quandry was "where is everyone going to sit" We had a big banquet table (you know those ones with the fold-up legs but not enough chairs. As we were setting up the living room inspiration hit me - we've got two couches here, who needs chairs. In a glorious moment, we set up the table and pulled the couches onto either side, "Vye Ola" (as Kelly Bundy would say) Seating for 8! And Classy too.
Everything was working out well, we follow the schedule and got the food in at the appropriate time and then it happened......the phone rang.
"But, dinner is at 4:30? Fine, fine, whatever just get here when you can."
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Dinner had to be pushed back 45 minutes - no problem that's what the schedule is for, we had plenty of time to adjust things.
We were doing well on our newly time schedule and were coming up on the last 30 minutes before the meal and all hell broke loose. Everyone showed up at the same time!
I swear they must have rented one of those little busses that shuttles people to the casinos because going from a house full of nothing to a house full of 15 cooks was chaos.
We got the food on the table, everyone ate and then sat around for 2 hours and talked while we cleaned up.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Everyone "Forgot" their tupperware and assumed that we were "just like Mom" and have lots to spare, but there's a big difference, we're two Gay men and she's a Grandma with 7 kids and who knows how many grandkids (I'm sure they know, it's just that I don't know). So needless to say, our refrigerator is fully stocked for the next 2 months.
Who wants to come over for dinner? Yeah, and why do we eat Ham on Easter? Is it because it's like the "anti-jewish" food or something?
So for a few weeks I didn't think about it, as it wasn't my party and I would just be helping out.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Everything was working out swimmingly, we had gone grocery shopping, The Roommate had made out the menu, again I was just going along for the ride pushing the buggy and handing the nice lady my Sam's Club Card.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Saturday rolled around, we sit down and I force The Roommate to make out a time schedule so he knows when everything is to go in what oven/fridge/microwave and what time everything will come out (believe me you, if you do nothing else when you host a party - make a schedule {{if only to look back and say "oops that's where it all went to hell"}}
I collected all of the vases and the flowers that had been purchased the day before and set out to make the most unfabulous flower arrangements ever made by a gay man who doesn't have the decorating gene - we were on our way to a flawless Easter.
We finished up our "Forced Spring Cleaning" and took a well deserve nap (separately of course - you pervs!)
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Sunday morning rolled around and after lounging in bed wathing "Sunday Morning" I decided to start the day. We got tablecloths around, cleaned potatoes, pulled out the slowcookers and started to get the house into "Party Mode"
Since I have half of the Gay Gene and The Roommate has none, I'm forced to set up the house on my own as when I tell The Roommate "Just set it up nice" it usually ends up as a pile in the middle of the coffee table and when I question him about it he says "I did what you told me" of course he did!
We were having 20 people for a sit down dinner, and yet we only have 12 chairs in the house - total! The big quandry was "where is everyone going to sit" We had a big banquet table (you know those ones with the fold-up legs but not enough chairs. As we were setting up the living room inspiration hit me - we've got two couches here, who needs chairs. In a glorious moment, we set up the table and pulled the couches onto either side, "Vye Ola" (as Kelly Bundy would say) Seating for 8! And Classy too.
Everything was working out well, we follow the schedule and got the food in at the appropriate time and then it happened......the phone rang.
"But, dinner is at 4:30? Fine, fine, whatever just get here when you can."
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Dinner had to be pushed back 45 minutes - no problem that's what the schedule is for, we had plenty of time to adjust things.
We were doing well on our newly time schedule and were coming up on the last 30 minutes before the meal and all hell broke loose. Everyone showed up at the same time!
I swear they must have rented one of those little busses that shuttles people to the casinos because going from a house full of nothing to a house full of 15 cooks was chaos.
We got the food on the table, everyone ate and then sat around for 2 hours and talked while we cleaned up.
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?
Everyone "Forgot" their tupperware and assumed that we were "just like Mom" and have lots to spare, but there's a big difference, we're two Gay men and she's a Grandma with 7 kids and who knows how many grandkids (I'm sure they know, it's just that I don't know). So needless to say, our refrigerator is fully stocked for the next 2 months.
Who wants to come over for dinner? Yeah, and why do we eat Ham on Easter? Is it because it's like the "anti-jewish" food or something?
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Enchanted on DVD
In case you missed it, the new Disney Classic (why does Disney classify EVERYTHING as a Classic?) Enchanted has just recently been released on DVD.
In celebration, I remind you that you should run to your local Red Dot Boutique and grab your own copy.
Enjoy this clip that wasn't included in the final release of the movie.
In celebration, I remind you that you should run to your local Red Dot Boutique and grab your own copy.
Enjoy this clip that wasn't included in the final release of the movie.
Wear A Sweater
Not because it's cold out but in celebration of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood!
Mr. Rogers Neighborhood went on the air in 1968 - a whole year before I was born, and I remember watching him as a young girl growing up in PA. Even though I lived in the country and had no neighbors of which to speak (our closest neighbor that had kids my age was at least a mile away) I still enjoyed watching Mr. Rogers every day and learning about his magical neighborhood.
Today, March 20th, would have been his 80th Birthday. To celebrate the city of Pittsburgh (where he was from and filmed MRN) along with his production company are celebrating his birthday by encouraging everyone to Wear A Sweater, since that was his signature brand on the show and one of the first things he did at the beginning of the show.
So if you didn't put a sweater on this morning, go home and put one on.
And if you have no idea who Mr. Rogers is, then please ignore this post.
And just so you don't feel like you read all the way to the end for nothing, Spring has Sprung, I hope you're ready for it.
Mr. Rogers Neighborhood went on the air in 1968 - a whole year before I was born, and I remember watching him as a young girl growing up in PA. Even though I lived in the country and had no neighbors of which to speak (our closest neighbor that had kids my age was at least a mile away) I still enjoyed watching Mr. Rogers every day and learning about his magical neighborhood.
Today, March 20th, would have been his 80th Birthday. To celebrate the city of Pittsburgh (where he was from and filmed MRN) along with his production company are celebrating his birthday by encouraging everyone to Wear A Sweater, since that was his signature brand on the show and one of the first things he did at the beginning of the show.
So if you didn't put a sweater on this morning, go home and put one on.
And if you have no idea who Mr. Rogers is, then please ignore this post.
And just so you don't feel like you read all the way to the end for nothing, Spring has Sprung, I hope you're ready for it.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Tomorrow is finally the day
That we've all been waiting for. At least I know I've been waiting for it. I've been waiting for it since at least Christmas. The Roommate has been waiting for it as well, and I'm sure you've been waiting for it.
No it's not the start to that silly March Madness thing.
Tomorrow is the FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!! Time for things to come to life again. The Vernal Equinox!
Oh yeah, and sorry friends of the Southern Hemisphere, it's the start of Autumn for you - I hope you enjoyed your summer while we were freezing our asses off up here.
Now I just hope that when Jesus comes out of his cave this weekend we won't have six more weeks of winter, that would be a total bummer!
No it's not the start to that silly March Madness thing.
Tomorrow is the FIRST DAY OF SPRING!!!! Time for things to come to life again. The Vernal Equinox!
Oh yeah, and sorry friends of the Southern Hemisphere, it's the start of Autumn for you - I hope you enjoyed your summer while we were freezing our asses off up here.
Now I just hope that when Jesus comes out of his cave this weekend we won't have six more weeks of winter, that would be a total bummer!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Friday, March 14, 2008
How is that convenient?
Margaret Cho is coming to town and this little fag is going to see her! I mean come on, what little homo boy (or girl) doesn't love Margaret Cho? I saw her several years ago by sheer coincidence at a little tiny miniscule comedy club out in the burbs somewhere and she was farking hilarious. I was so close to her that I could smell the bbq chips on her breath.
When I found out that she was coming to Chicago for a full blown tour I said "Get thyself to Ticketmaster and purchase those tickets."
As I'm going through the process I find that she's not sold out (thank goodness) and the tickets are fairly reasonable - $46.00.
It's not until the checkout process that Ticketmaster fucks you up the ass without any lube (and believe me you, I know how that feels - it's not a good feeling at all, no matter what people say)
A $46 tickets ended up cost $61.19, that's an overall surcharge of 33% of the cost of the tickets themselves.
And of course you don't see any of this until you're on the page to actually buy the tickets, but there's one more sneaky sneak in there......after you process the orders you find out that there's Tax and an additional Order Processing Fee of $3.15, hell I thought that's what the $20.40 fee was for?
I can understand the $3.00 per ticket "facility fee" because it helps "run" the theater - I don't have a problem with that at all.
What I don't understand is why they call the $10.20 fee per ticket a "Convenience Fee" how is that a convenience fee? I'm not bugging you on the phone, I'm not up at your ticket window yelling at you? I'm doing a totally self-service transaction and you're charging me $20.40 for that....and then $3.15 to process my order.
The interesting thing though, is if you go to the Box Office, you still get to pay the "convenience fee."
I'm surprised they don't charge to mail the tickets - they do charge to "download and print" at home?!?
Oh I hate you Ticketmaster!
Yeah, btw, if you're in town on Saturday, April 26th let me know, I've got an extra ticket!
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Don't ever complain again
About your spouse spending too much time in the bathroom.
THIS woman actually spent two years sitting on the toilet without moving.
Two Years, that's 730 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes - perhaps she was trying to see what a million was actually like.
Apparently she had been sitting there for so long that the skin on her buttocks had grown AROUND the toilet seat, can you imagine?
The interesting thing (as if sitting on a toilet for 2 years isn't interesting enough) her boyfriend brought her food and water EVERY DAY!
I would hope to god that if I sat on the toilet for 2 years my boyfriend would do more than that...but perhaps he figured that if she was sitting on the toilet she wasn't bugging the fuck out of him.
I can only imagine what that's like, I mean I get bored after finishing my business, I can only hope that she had some great reading material.
THIS woman actually spent two years sitting on the toilet without moving.
Two Years, that's 730 days, 17,520 hours, 1,051,200 minutes - perhaps she was trying to see what a million was actually like.
Apparently she had been sitting there for so long that the skin on her buttocks had grown AROUND the toilet seat, can you imagine?
The interesting thing (as if sitting on a toilet for 2 years isn't interesting enough) her boyfriend brought her food and water EVERY DAY!
I would hope to god that if I sat on the toilet for 2 years my boyfriend would do more than that...but perhaps he figured that if she was sitting on the toilet she wasn't bugging the fuck out of him.
I can only imagine what that's like, I mean I get bored after finishing my business, I can only hope that she had some great reading material.
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Just Announced: Seven New Sins
Oh thank god, the Pope has just announced that there are seven more sins that we can commit.
I'm so excited, as I've already run through the old sins it's been getting rather boring lately. Running through them again and again - it's sort of like watching the same TV program over and over again until you know the words, pitch and nuances by heart and then you're repeating the program but the TV isn't on.
The new sins include:
- pollution,
- violations of the basic rights of human nature” through genetic manipulation
- drugs that “weaken the mind and cloud intelligence,”
- Social injustice, the imbalance between the rich and the poor.
So which sin are you gonna tackle first?
I'm so excited, as I've already run through the old sins it's been getting rather boring lately. Running through them again and again - it's sort of like watching the same TV program over and over again until you know the words, pitch and nuances by heart and then you're repeating the program but the TV isn't on.
The new sins include:
- pollution,
- violations of the basic rights of human nature” through genetic manipulation
- drugs that “weaken the mind and cloud intelligence,”
- Social injustice, the imbalance between the rich and the poor.
So which sin are you gonna tackle first?
Monday, March 10, 2008
I am so YAZ'ed
I am so excited, YAZ is coming to town - what you don't know who Yaz is? Oh don't worry, neither do I, but I bet you know their music. I bet you know them individually as well.
YAZ was a combo of Alison Moyet and Vince Clarke....Vince Clarke of Erasure...you know them, right?
Anywho, you can read all about them HERE
Regardless, YAZ is coming to town and I'm going to see them. They're playing at the Fabulous Chicago Theater - which is an amazing place to see a concert (I saw Alicia Keys there a few years ago - Fab-u). I got some great seats, Third Row - Loge - Center.
So the concert is July 14th which gives me plenty of time to get re-acquainted with their music.
So hey, if you're in town, let me know I've got an extra ticket!
YAZ was a combo of Alison Moyet and Vince Clarke....Vince Clarke of Erasure...you know them, right?
Anywho, you can read all about them HERE
Regardless, YAZ is coming to town and I'm going to see them. They're playing at the Fabulous Chicago Theater - which is an amazing place to see a concert (I saw Alicia Keys there a few years ago - Fab-u). I got some great seats, Third Row - Loge - Center.
So the concert is July 14th which gives me plenty of time to get re-acquainted with their music.
So hey, if you're in town, let me know I've got an extra ticket!
Sunday, March 09, 2008
Finally Confirmed: I'm a Thirteen Year Old Girl
I've never admitted to growing up, even though I turned 39 a month ago, I still feel like I'm 18.
Well at least I act like I'm 18, I mean I sure as hell don't look like I'm 18!
I've known for a long time that I really am a 12 year old girl inside. I was telling a friend about a gadget I bought and he said "Well that's just silly, who would buy that?" Uhm, hello....me and a bunch of 12 year old girls.
Turning 39 this year has made me come to turns that perhaps I'm not really a 12 year old gir, that perhaps now I'm actually more like a Teenager.
That was all proved earlier this week when I heard this song on the radio. It's a remake but not a remake, they're just using the background track from another song and updated/added new lyrics.
I've got this cool feature on my phone where it will analyze a song and tell you who the song title is along with the artist and album information. Even better - it's FREE (because they want you to buy the songs online from them - that's where they make their money, the bastards!)
So the song came on while I was in the car so I pulled out my phone and let it do it's magic! 10 seconds seemed like 30 as I waited for it to finish analyzing and giving me the details!
**BONK** the phone went and the title popped up on the screen. If I had been driving I'm sure that I would have hit the guard rails and flown off the side of the cliff.
Here's the song I'm currently in love with
So it's official, I'm officially a Thirteen Year Old (x3)
Well at least I act like I'm 18, I mean I sure as hell don't look like I'm 18!
I've known for a long time that I really am a 12 year old girl inside. I was telling a friend about a gadget I bought and he said "Well that's just silly, who would buy that?" Uhm, hello....me and a bunch of 12 year old girls.
Turning 39 this year has made me come to turns that perhaps I'm not really a 12 year old gir, that perhaps now I'm actually more like a Teenager.
That was all proved earlier this week when I heard this song on the radio. It's a remake but not a remake, they're just using the background track from another song and updated/added new lyrics.
I've got this cool feature on my phone where it will analyze a song and tell you who the song title is along with the artist and album information. Even better - it's FREE (because they want you to buy the songs online from them - that's where they make their money, the bastards!)
So the song came on while I was in the car so I pulled out my phone and let it do it's magic! 10 seconds seemed like 30 as I waited for it to finish analyzing and giving me the details!
**BONK** the phone went and the title popped up on the screen. If I had been driving I'm sure that I would have hit the guard rails and flown off the side of the cliff.
Here's the song I'm currently in love with
So it's official, I'm officially a Thirteen Year Old (x3)
Thursday, March 06, 2008
There's a new joke over there
Check out my newest post on The Joke Reader
A little background on this joke. I've been telling this joke for at least the last 15 years, and I've probably been telling it exactly as I do here for the last 10 years.
This is my Mother's favorite joke, and she makes me tell it to all of her friends.
Funny though, I hardly tell this joke to anyone other than my mother's friends.
It's like that movie "The Game" with Michael Douglas...it's only really good the first time because you don't know what's going to happen...but every time you watch it later, you still know how it ends.
So, ENJOY!
A little background on this joke. I've been telling this joke for at least the last 15 years, and I've probably been telling it exactly as I do here for the last 10 years.
This is my Mother's favorite joke, and she makes me tell it to all of her friends.
Funny though, I hardly tell this joke to anyone other than my mother's friends.
It's like that movie "The Game" with Michael Douglas...it's only really good the first time because you don't know what's going to happen...but every time you watch it later, you still know how it ends.
So, ENJOY!
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