The Difference Between Dogs & Cats

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:
8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. Got to go to the park! Rolled in some really nasty stuff,was so proud of myself. Humans were less than impressed.
10:30 a.m. Got my tummy rubbed and petted -- I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch: yummy!
1:00 p.m. Played in the yard: I loved it!
3:00 p.m. Stared adoringly at my masters ... they're the best!
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids got home! I was so happy I wasbouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milk bones -- awesome!
7:00 p.m. Got to play ball! What a day, this was too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow: watching TV with my master! Heavenly!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:
Day 683 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hashor some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rationsperfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up mystrength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In anattempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. Ihad hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearlydemonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescendingcomments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The audacity!!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placedin solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I couldhear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was dueto my power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use itto my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of mytormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try thisagain tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he seemsmore than willing to return! He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant -- I observe him communicating with theguards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The captorshave arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he issafe-- for now. But I can wait.

It is only a matter of time...