Lady in the Water - A Review

Since Rob said that I’m such a tease when it comes to my recent movie reviews I figured I should set the record straight….you’re right Rob, I am a tease!

I went to see Lady in the Water Saturday afternoon, in fact I caught the second screening of the day so whoopee for getting matinee prices.  I got there in plenty of time, I was the first one in the theater….so I found the perfect seat: high up, but not all the way in the back, in a chair that “rocked” and directly under the projector – almost the exact middle of the theater – the best for sight and sound!

All of the previews they showed – SUCKED – I honestly can’t remember any of them and none of them were worth remembering, they were all about movies coming out at Christmas time…uhm hello….it’s fucking summer here!

I’ve been wanting to see this movie since I heard M. Night was making another movie.  Now granted his last two movies (Signs & The Village) were a little shaky, but they were still good movies – original concept – not such great scripts – but still original idea that I could wrap my head around and say “yeah that’s possible” plus he always has that trick in the end that’s gonna screw everything up and make you watch the movie over again to catch the secrets (you know what I mean – “I see dead people”).

I didn’t read any of the reviews, I didn’t see any of the preview shows, I was going only because it was M. Night Shyamalan AND Bryce Dallas Howard.  I was figuring that perhaps she’s his new “muse” since she was in his last movie….let’s see what he’s gonna have her do now!  Sort of a la Alfred Hitchcock.

Oh, I should say this:

******** S P O I L E R S   F O L L O W *******************

The movie starts out with a prologue explaining the basis of the story….one set of people, split into land people and water people….land people greedy, want things, cause war..forget about sea people.  Sea people still remember land people and want to help them out they send people from their water to the land people…blah blah blah.

I would LOVE to say some nice things about this movie – oh wait, one nice thing – the special effects on the creature were pretty cool.  I can’t say that it was beautifully filmed – it was set in one locale (an apartment building that looked like it had been built in the 60’s), a majority of the action occurs at night (dark), there were no memorable scenes – the only cool camera shot that I recall is where he did a “vertigo” type pull out/zoom, other than that it was rather boring visually.

Oh just fuck it, I can’t even go on to write a review of this movie – it was utterly unbelievable, there was no way in my mind I could play this so I could believe it would happen.  It just didn’t make sense.
The story was too convoluted but at the same time it never explained itself, and why the hell did he cast himself as a pivotal role in the movie?  WHY?

The whole movie revolves around M. Night’s character but you never would have guessed that, he spends all the time looking dazed and confused, I thought he was high, because I was and I still didn’t understand what he was trying to do.

Basically – The Lady in the water is there to meet someone – a writer, she doesn’t know who it is but she only has to look at him to “awaken him.”

Well she does this and then tries to “go home” but something is preventing her from doing it.  Blah blah blah

They figure out what they need to do, get mixed up, set things right and poof she’s gone…and that’s the END OF THE FUCKING MOVIE.

There was no follow-up, there was no explanation, there was no “showing what would happen in the future.”  It just went cut to black and house lights up…whoosh!  

The pivotal “idea” is that M. Night’s character will right a book, that book will be published and a little boy will grow up and read this book over and over, he will get into politics and become President of the United States and he will start a new evolution in government based off of the book he read growing up.   Uhm – hello – did you ever think that since this was the major plot device people would like a little follow up?  No flash to the future?

It sucked people, don’t waste your time.  There was twist at the end to turn the story around, there was no “symbolism” used (believe me after the last few movies, you look) when you do something well (Sixth Sense & Unbreakable) stick with what you know!

I give it 1 out of 5 Stars, only because I can’t give it a Zero.

I do have a final thought though:  Story tells Vick “Your sister will have 7 children, you will see the first two.”  

I have a thought for you M. Night “You will make seven more films, but no one will watch after the next two.”

Fool me once, shame on you!
Fool me twice, shame on me!